Relationships are impossible to replicate.
This may seem like an obvious statement but when you’re in the thick of things it’s hard to grasp. Because while there are reasons why you and your ex aren’t together, you still remember the good times. Not all relationships end badly either. Therefore, the combination of an ex you still care about and a new relationship where everything isn’t exactly what you’re used to can confuse you.
Not being used to something doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad. But as creatures of habit, we tend to gravitate towards the familiar. You might like the new person to whom you are involved with, but they don’t do the same things that your ex did. People kiss differently. People act differently. And most importantly, people date differently.
People kiss differently. I think this is the first aha moment when you realize that your previous relationship is gone. And while many people have similar kissing styles, you never get the same feeling twice. You like the person in another way so the experience reflects that. I’m a firm believer that kissing is 60% skill and 40% personality. It’s not robotic. You’re in the moment and they’re in the moment. There’s conversation, movement, and humor. And while you knew your ex more intimately, it’s entirely contingent on your newfound feelings whether you have a good time.
People act differently. You can say that two people are nice but no two people are nice in the same way. The new person isn’t going to listen to the same music or laugh at the same jokes. This might be jarring when you expect a certain reaction or way of being, but while there are good things that your ex did that you miss, there are also bad things that you don’t. No relationship is perfect. While it might’ve been a small annoyance that you had with them, it was still there ready to break through the surface. This new person will come with their own issues, but they don’t do the thing that made you or the other person leave the last time. And that alone is enough for you to give their new behavior a chance.
There is no correct way to date someone despite societal expectations. In the ideal world, you meet someone by chance, become friends, start dating, hold hands, kiss, etc. However, that’s not how it always happens. People start talking online or are set up by friends or meet at parties. And sometimes you don’t start off as friends and immediately jump into dating.
Point being, there’s no wrong way to fall for someone. If the feelings are real and genuine, no one has the authority to tell you that how you choose to be with someone is wrong.
Letting go of people is one of the hardest things that we have to do but it’s necessary to reach our fullest potential. By clinging on to a dysfunctional relationship, we deny ourselves the chance to of having other people in our lives.