You Can't Have The Same Relationship Twice, So Stop Trying To

You Can't Have The Same Relationship Twice, So Stop Trying To

There's a reason why you and your ex are no longer together.

You Can't Have The Same Relationship Twice, So Stop Trying To
Tord Sollie

Relationships are impossible to replicate.

This may seem like an obvious statement but when you’re in the thick of things it’s hard to grasp. Because while there are reasons why you and your ex aren’t together, you still remember the good times. Not all relationships end badly either. Therefore, the combination of an ex you still care about and a new relationship where everything isn’t exactly what you’re used to can confuse you.

Not being used to something doesn’t mean it’s necessarily bad. But as creatures of habit, we tend to gravitate towards the familiar. You might like the new person to whom you are involved with, but they don’t do the same things that your ex did. People kiss differently. People act differently. And most importantly, people date differently.

People kiss differently. I think this is the first aha moment when you realize that your previous relationship is gone. And while many people have similar kissing styles, you never get the same feeling twice. You like the person in another way so the experience reflects that. I’m a firm believer that kissing is 60% skill and 40% personality. It’s not robotic. You’re in the moment and they’re in the moment. There’s conversation, movement, and humor. And while you knew your ex more intimately, it’s entirely contingent on your newfound feelings whether you have a good time.

People act differently. You can say that two people are nice but no two people are nice in the same way. The new person isn’t going to listen to the same music or laugh at the same jokes. This might be jarring when you expect a certain reaction or way of being, but while there are good things that your ex did that you miss, there are also bad things that you don’t. No relationship is perfect. While it might’ve been a small annoyance that you had with them, it was still there ready to break through the surface. This new person will come with their own issues, but they don’t do the thing that made you or the other person leave the last time. And that alone is enough for you to give their new behavior a chance.

There is no correct way to date someone despite societal expectations. In the ideal world, you meet someone by chance, become friends, start dating, hold hands, kiss, etc. However, that’s not how it always happens. People start talking online or are set up by friends or meet at parties. And sometimes you don’t start off as friends and immediately jump into dating.

Point being, there’s no wrong way to fall for someone. If the feelings are real and genuine, no one has the authority to tell you that how you choose to be with someone is wrong.

Letting go of people is one of the hardest things that we have to do but it’s necessary to reach our fullest potential. By clinging on to a dysfunctional relationship, we deny ourselves the chance to of having other people in our lives.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less

Megan Thee Stallion and Cardi B just dropped the hottest summer single yet. It's called "WAP" and we're going to get into all the intoxicating lyrics.

This song empowers females and their sexuality. These women put the ridiculous music industry female beef to bed, and I mean tucked away in a coma.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Write Down The Holy Grail Recipe Everyone Begs You To Make

Because everyone has a signature cocktail, cake, or pasta they bring to every potluck.


From back when I used to bring my mom's classic white chocolate chip cookies to preschool on my birthday to now stirring up my signature tequila cocktails at every friends' barbecue, I've always had a couple of standby recipes in my culinary rotation.

Keep Reading... Show less

Meet My Cat: Cheshire, The Stray Turned House Cat Who Lives in Michigan

I never considered myself a cat person, but Chess immediately stole my heart.

Madelyn Darbonne

In 2016, a stray cat gave birth to a litter of three grey kittens on my aunt and uncle's property. I had never considered myself to be much of a cat person, but these furballs immediately stole my heart. I got to watch them grow up until they were old enough to leave their mother's side.

Keep Reading... Show less

How To Binge-Watch A TV Show —And Then Write A Review About It

Writing your favorite and least favorite things about a show could not be more fun.

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash

Looking for a new show to binge? Stop scrolling through your options and listen.

Sometimes a good show doesn't come down to the genre or the actors involved, it comes down to the fact that it is simply a GOOD show. If any of these things sound appealing to you, you should definitely watch.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less

I've been bleaching my hair since I was in seventh grade. Yes, you read that correctly, seventh grade. That's nearly 10 years of maintaining a very light shade of blonde that too-often brings about dryness and brittle strands.

Keep Reading... Show less

Chances are if you're here, you're probably interested in writing an open letter. Yay! We're excited to have you.

Of course, not all open letters are created equal. In fact, there's a recipe to writing one for Odyssey that'll get featured on one of our many verticals. When it comes to Swoon specifically (for those new around here, that's our dating and relationships vertical), we receive dozens of open letters each month, many of which are all very similar.

Keep Reading... Show less

With a new phone comes great responsibility: Do not break it! And the best way to do that is with a case. However, picking a case can be a challenge. No need to fret, I am here to help break down some of the best cases for the new iPhone SE 2020. Honestly, I think it's going to be impossible to choose!

Keep Reading... Show less

To some who have been out of the dating world for a while, it can be hard to get back into the swing of things after being single for some time. So, I asked 26 people what they think is important to know before looking for love again, here's what they had to say.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments