Are you unsatisfied with the direction your life is headed? Do you have dreams of becoming rich or becoming a martyr? Do you have a shaky understanding of the bible and the teachings of Jesus Christ? And lastly, does the image of two gay guys together enrage you (or turn you on)?
Well, if you answered “yes” to any of those questions, we may have the perfect solution for you!
Attempting to deny someone of their basic human rights due to your arbitrary religious beliefs is quickly becoming a fast and easy way to achieve money, fame, and glory!
But don’t take my word for it. Let’s take a look at the evidence!
We’ll start with the O’Connor family. Months ago, they were just owners of a pizza shop in Indiana. Now, in the eyes of right-wing Christians around the country, they’re seen as heroes.
And all it took was a teeny, tiny peep from Kevin O’Conner. Just one comment about how he would never provide pizzas for a gay wedding shot Kevin and Crystal O’Connor off into stardom (pizza, of course, being a staple of any respectable gay wedding).
According to the O'Conner's, they received so much backlash for this comment, that they were forced to close their shop down for a few days.
“I don’t know if we will re-open, or if we can, if it’s safe to re-open,” Crystal O’Connor said fearfully in an interview on THEBLAZE, a Glenn Beck run network.
People felt so strongly for this couple that a fundraiser was set up. Of course, it only made the O’Connor’s over 800,000 dollars in just three days but not to worry. They were able to open their business back up just over a week after those comments were made. Throw that in with the fame they acquired, and you’re looking at a damn good deal!
And I’m sure you’ve heard the good news about Kim Davis. Before she denied marriage licenses to a few same-sex couples, no one had even heard of her! Now she’s all anyone can talk about! Of course, she may have to do a little jail time, but you’re not thinking big picture! Kim Davis is a martyr now for the right-wing, Christian community.
As soon as she gets out of prison, she can kiss the days of her having to work for a living good-bye! I mean, Mike Huckabee mentioned her in a tweet and went to visit her. The Mike Huckabee. Governor. Presidential candidate. Republican panty-dropper, etc. etc.
Once she’s out, it’s going to be all speeches at Republican conventions. She’ll have a ghost-writer compose her autobiography, because who has time for that nonsense? She has every Republican and mental health patient believing she’s the next Rosa Parks.
But Dan, you might say. This woman has been married four times and has had children out of wedlock. Didn’t Jesus talk more about divorce and adultery than he did about gay marriage? To which I say, I don’t have an answer for you. Our experts are working on that one.
Enough is enough! Put down that pen, put your pajamas back on, and tell your boss to go find someone else to kiss his butt! Run, don’t walk, to deny someone their basic human rights today!
