College: that magical place where you can stay up as late as you want, eat Hot Pockets for any (and every) meal, and wear literally any color bathrobe to class and no one is going to judge you if it doesn't match your flip flops. It's grand. It's magical. And, best of all, your parents aren't around to tell you what to do!
Wait. Your parents... aren't around... to tell you what to do.
Adulting? Real life? Actual human behaviors and interactions?
If you're like me, the thought of any one of these things--let alone a combination of the three--is enough to make you want to crawl under your bed and quietly live amongst the dust bunnies that you promised your roommate you'd sweep up two weeks ago.
But, if you're like me, you have been absolutely blessed, by virtue of being an Actual Toddler, to find someone who balances out your utter lack of responsible-decision-making skills. So, without further ado, I present to you the five signs your roommate is actually your mom.
You're not permitted to leave the apartment without a jacket.
She knows that it's not cold now but it will be later and you didn't think of that, did you? No, because you're a child, so go back to your room and get a jacket. No, not a cute one, a warm one. And remember to shut the light off on your way out.
She is a walking medicine cabinet.
You sniffle, once, quietly--half a second later there is a gentle knock on your door and her concerned voice offering you everything from DayQuil to an Ancient Mesopotamian remedy that requires rhythmic chanting and the light of a full moon. Anything to help her little bundle of joy feel better!
Group outings come with a full itinerary and back-up plans.
Mama knows you're a worrier and also entirely incapable of organizing your own life, so she takes it upon herself to balance yours on top of her own. Any group outing or event is presented to you and the other little ducklings fully planned and, of course, taking everyone's individual interests into account.
She knows all about your beef with that one girl in your Lit class...
...but she calmly listens, offers sage advice, and is only half-serious when she offers to beat someone up. Mama's got your back but she is the calm, rational side of your personality, that would otherwise be buried under layers and layers of quiet rage. She would not hesitate to bail you out of jail, but first she's going to try to prevent you going in the first place.
And, of course, she is always down for a Chinese and cry sesh.
You can tell each other all about your lives and your problems and your Very Important Feelings over the third order of sesame chicken this week, because first and foremost your RoomMom is your friend and at least sixty percent of your backbone. And hey, bonus--when the delivery guy forgets your eggroll, Mama will call them right back up and calmly request that they fix this monstrosity.
So, cherish your RoomMom. Cherish the entirely unique relationship you can have with someone who will tirelessly help you with your resume or your taxes or whatever it is grownups do, but who also knows all about what you did last weekend and would never dream of judging you for it. You may have to grow up and leave home and figure out how to make your own doctor's appointments, but RoomMom will always be there to help.
