In today’s culture, romantic love is everywhere. We see it on the streets, on TV, and in the books. It seems that everyone is looking for it. However, in our search for love, we blur the lines between healthy and unhealthy relationships. We want is so bad that we forget what we truly deserve, and in part, that is all thanks to the media.
Take, for example, the new DC movie “Suicide Squad” and the relationship shown between Harley Quinn and the Joker. Yes, Harley Quinn and the Joker are evil and may look good together - like two peas in a pod, but infatuation and abuse play a part in their relationship, as well. In "Suicide Squad", we see flashbacks of Dr. Harleen Quinzel’s career as a psychiatrist working at Arkham Asylum, where the Joker is confined. Harleen falls in love with him and decides to give up her career and break the Joker out of the psychiatric ward. She enjoys their crazy and wild relationship, but because of her psychosis, she doesn’t realize the reality of their relationship.
However, the comic books portray the dynamic duo a little differently. In the beginning of their story originating in the comic books, Harleen becomes infatuated with the Joker after he sweet talks and compliments her, making her a victim to the Joker’s evil plan. The Joker can be seen as acting manipulatively and cunning as well as physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive.
Moreover, they shouldn’t be seen as the idolized #relationshipgoals. The media glazes over all of the negative and downright abusive aspects of their relationship to appeal to their audience. Thus, we have teenagers and young adults fanning over this romanticized version of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. This portrayal of infatuation as love is hardly healthy. We give infatuation and love the same meaning, teaching our younger generations a skewed view of what love is all about. This, in turn, leads our society down a dangerous path of toxic relationships. Love has always been put on a pedestal as everyone strives to find it, but we are often caught up in the wrong type of relationships. This is partly because of the media’s portrayal of romantic love. As a result of such portrayals, we don’t stand up for ourselves because we don’t realize we deserve better.
What we need is a reality check. We need to see the abuse and we need to stop the idea that unhealthy relationships are taboo. We need to be open and honest, to show our younger generations not to idolize such relationships. If we only open up and start talking about these terrible things, just maybe we can put a stop to them.
It is important to note that all relationships can develop problems, communication and actively working on a solution can help improve a relationship, significantly. Not everything is going to be perfect, and dealing with these problems is how you grow as a person.
How can you tell if you’re in a toxic relationship?
Some signs include feeling threatened, being spoken to (or about) in a derogatory manner, and/or fear for your safety/ life. Similarly, if you’re unhappy and feel like you need to stay in your relationship because there will be repercussions and/or if you are being talked into doing things you wouldn’t normally do. Additionally, if you are constantly being put down, you are afraid of what you say around them, in fear of being laughed at, belittled or not listened to, if you notice them picking fights with you, and if you don’t feel emotionally supported, or efforts to improve your life are looked down upon.
Abuse comes in many forms. Some types include physical, verbal, sexual, emotional, and psychological abuse. Here are some examples of each:
Physical abuse includes pushing, slapping, shoving, kicking, punching, burning, biting, and choking.
Verbal abuse includes yelling, threats, mockery, and insults.
Sexual abuse includes dirty comments or jokes, touching, kissing, and any sexual conduct that you do not consent to.
Emotional abuse includes name calling, blame, jealousy, humiliation, threats, destroying valuables, and intimidation.
Psychological abuse includes threats of violence, stalking, harassment, possessiveness, destroying property, and social isolation.
1 in 4 women will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes.
1 in 7 men will be victims of severe violence by an intimate partner in their lifetimes.
What should you do if you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship?
Call 911.
Tell friends or family.
Visit http://211.org/ to find areas near you for support.
Visit Love is Respect at http://www.loveisrespect.org/.
Visit The National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org/ or call 1-800-799-7233.
Text Crisis Text Line at 741-741.
Don’t forget that you deserve to be happy. Try to analyze and decipher a toxic relationship from a healthy one, puddin’.
