An Obituary To My Past lives
Start writing a post
Student Life

An Obituary To My Past lives

The people I have been, the person I am, and the person I will become;

132
An Obituary To My Past lives
Tumblr.com

I am sitting here, in my little room avoiding homework by scrolling through Instagram. This room is much different than the room I was in over the summer, and it is far different than the room I was in the previous year.

I scroll through Instagram to see pictures of people I know -- or knew, or kind of still know. They are smiling and happy with some old faces and new ones. Lovers bones may have vanished, while others magically reappeared. Fleshy smiles replace mine in candid’s on the wall and for a minute, I ache at how disconnected I feel from my life, or my past life. How did everything change so suddenly? Why do I feel like a guest in my own body my own life?

I think back, freshman year of college who was I that year; and how many different people I have been since then. Three years seems worlds away. I am the same Identical woman, but my wires have been disconnected and connected. I look at the bodies around me. The warm souls that fill their void, there are some new, some old and there are some who have faded. And I see this, on this screen that keeps us connected. But, I don’t feel connected at all, because they too have shed the skin they wore for a year. They have grown and so have I. Old friends who no longer say hello, stare at their toes shuffling front to back as they walk by. High school teachers and peers that don’t even recognize me. They look me up in down in awe that woman I have become standing before them, is the same awkward duckling they used to quack at, they can’t even find words to speak.

I have had so many fresh hello’s and salty goodbyes and I sit and wonder why? There is no good reason for it, except that the world spins and we can’t stop its perpetual orbit. So we spin with it until we get dizzy and the world blurs around us. When we gain composure again; when the world centers back into focus everything has changed. I sit and I sigh and I look at everything around me, my room, my home, my friends, school. This isn’t exactly where I want to be, I’m still a stretch from the finish line but, it is where I am right now. In a year I will do the same thing and everything around me will be different.

I don’t know where I will be sleeping at night, or where I will live, what job I might have. I can’t see who will be by my side or who will walk away. Like everyone else, my future is hidden by a murky fog, I can’t help but attempt to tell the future, or worry about the people who may walk out. Why am I, this mass of atoms here? My daily routine strives to answer that question. And I feel uncertain, that what I do is for no one but myself, in attempts to answer that question. I could just be killing time and waiting for the last grain in my hour glass to fall through, I don’t know.

It’s hard fighting the urge to answer the unknown, but I look around me at all the variables in my life that make my happy and enjoy them because they may be subtracted a year from now. These are the thoughts running through my brain at this very moment and I write them down to remember; the people I have been.

"People change, feelings fade, things go wrong, memories remain but life goes on." -- Unknown
Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

56920
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

36697
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

958478
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

189633
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments