College is full of expectations. One of those being that everyone is expected to find the love of their life during those four years. Now, we all hear about ring by spring and even see the constant roll of engagements, but to live within that amplifies it even more. So how does one deal with that?
In my singleness, I have had times of great happiness and joy & I have had times of feeling so low and so lonely. Going into my freshman year of college, I was ready for a fresh start and being single seemed to be a great addition to that. Throughout the year, I began to see and feel the pressure of going to a private Christian college. Ring by spring, freshman mating season, they're all real. Very real. And one by one -or in this case, two by two- I began to see my friends enter into their own relationships. I was happy for them, truly happy for them, yet it left this longing for something of my own even more prominent than before.
During this, God blessed me. He blessed me with a new outlook on what it truly means to love. You see, I had been in relationships before, and I had been in love before. Or what I had expected for that kind of love to be. But until I was single, in college, and surrounded by other couples, I hadn't realized how wrong I was about love.
"In order to love someone else, you must love yourself first." I remember my mom telling me this growing up. I didn't take this to heart. Not until now. However, this quote doesn't include the fact that you have to know God's love before you can love someone else.
I find it funny that I can tell a boy that I trust him completely and love him with my whole heart when I struggle to do the same for God. God knows me, He made me, He walks with me. He sees all of my sins. Yet, He still loves me completely. God's love, unlike relationships, is not complicated it's easy and constant. It's an unconditional kind of love.
While I am so grateful for what I have done while and experienced while single, I do still struggle some days. I scroll through Instagram and see #relationshipgoals or walking around campus with couples holding hands. I wish that I could have that too. But I take a breath and know that God is loving me, and I am learning to fully love myself so I can fully love the man that He has planned for me.
