As I started my second semester of college, I had huge expectations for what the next few months would bring and what I would do. I would branch out. I would stay on top of my studies. I would be healthy. I would be more involved. I would help somebody While the semester is still young and my goals are still in place and achievable, this week almost made it all seem impossible.

I had heartache, and literal aches from the pain of post-wisdom teeth surgery, which combined sent me spiraling downward into complete despair due to the effects of medication. After my first day of classes, I was already so defeated I went home. And cried. and cried. and cried some more until the next day my mother told me (not knowing about the extent of crying) that my entire face looked swollen.

Coming back to school on Tuesday, I still couldn't shake the crying. I finally broke down and called mom, and like always, she came running. After a day well spent with my biggest supporter, and learning that the deep blues may have been a little less anxiety and heartbreak and a little more side effects of medication, I felt more like myself again. I felt okay. I felt ready to do everything I'd wanted to do when I had first arrived at school.

Only to wake up the next day and realize, in the middle of all my chaos, I had completely skipped the first day of a class. Not just any class. One that only meets once a week. One that without I would lose scholarships and the honors program. So what happened, the crying began again.

But this time, when I texted mom, I did one more thing. When I drive home from Oxford in my overwhelmed feelings, I like to listen to Christain music. On Monday, it hadn't calmed me much. I was so so deep in my terrifying and depressing thoughts and feelings- hurting over the relationships that had been lost, not thinking I fit anywhere, not thinking I was capable of doing what it was God was asking of me, not even knowing entirely if God was saying anything to me at all.

But on this day, I turned on a song I had heard in the car that had for some reason stuck with me- "Even If' by MercyMe, and the words flew all over me.

I prayed through the tears. If the professor would let me in the class, then great. God is good. And if I couldn't, He is still good. If the heartbreak healed soon, or that broken relationship mended, then great. God is good. And even if didn't, He is still good.

I happened to look at my phone before leaving for class, and a very great friend of mine had posted her devotional for the morning that talked about placing our hope in in the Lord because his unconditional love and grace never fails, and it allows us to look at any obstacle we face and know that no matter what the outcome, we are going to be okay. We are going to celebrate with him one day either way.

I replied to her post to tell her how much I needed to see that particular morning, and she immediately sent me the link. This was a friend I had once hurt before badly. But she was faithful, not only to the Lord but also to me. She forgave me and showed me a grace and mercy. She remained in my life and continued a relationship with me, despite my shortcoming.

Being reminded of how gracious she had been, in that moment I felt God's grace wash over me. I had been putting my hope in all the wrong things. In being successful in school. In being well-liked on campus and fitting in. In my romantic relationship that had been failing. All in worldly things, other people, or myself and my own abilities.

But in placing my hope in God, I had the ability to say it is well. Because of that one friend, I had been reminded of what that real love feels like. I had been reminded of the way God heals and works in people's lives. I had been reminded of grace and mercy and of that redeeming feeling. I had been reminded that even when we aren't expecting it, or don't deserve it, God does incredible things.

Maybe I wouldn't get into that class. Maybe that boy and I would never work it out. Maybe I had to work on my self-confidence and figure out my social presence. But God will still be working. God will still be with me, reminding me I don't have to feel lonely. God will still be gracious. God will still be faithful. Even if a million other things went wrong that day or any other, it would be okay, because God would be my hope.