Disclaimer: For you English majors, I occasionally use the term "metaphor" as a blanket term for metaphors, similes, and analogies. Don't freak out. It'll be okay.

We're all humans, right? (Apologies to my alien demographic, you'll have to sit this one out.) We're all human, and that means we all love to talk about our lives. Because of this, we often fall into traps of repetition. Many of us use the same analogies, metaphors, and similes to describe our day-to-day issues -- to the point where words just become meaningless, uninspired chants.

So, why not try something new? Why not spice up those overused metaphors and similes with some sexy word candy?

Here's some inspiration for all of us out there guilty of using the same cliches to describe our lives!

For When You Are Sick

"I feel like crap."

How about... "I feel like how burnt toast toast. Also, I think my nose has been replaced with a faucet that exclusively spouts snot."

"I feel like I was hit by a truck."

Let's try... "I feel like a truck did in fact hit me, and then all of the people riding in trunk piled out and are now laying on top of me. And one of them has really bony elbows."

"I feel like my head is splitting."

Or maybe... "I feel like my head is actually two people, and they used to be best friends, but now they're fighting and it's getting really emotional and loud up there and I don't think their friendship is gonna make it."

"I'm running on empty."

Even better... "I just fell into the Alice in Wonderland sized hole where my perseverance used to be and it's not looking too good."

For Talking about Love

"He/she broke my heart."

Why not... "He/she found the Little Love Box in which I stored all these tiny memories and thoughts and hopes and dreams for us deep in my heart of hearts, and then hulk-smashed the living shit out of it."

"I love you to the moon and back."

Or you could say... "My love for you is so large that it has expanded into its own galaxy where millions of tiny worlds are now colonizing and they are all named after you."

"That really pulled on my heart strings."

Perhaps... "What you just said resonated so deeply in me that the tiny, uninspired sting orchestra that is renting out my superior vena cava just started rehearsing again."

Other Common Cliches

"That went right over my head."

Alternatively... "This conversation feels like that realization that the person waving to you is actually waving to someone behind you. That's how confused I am."

"Let me paint a picture for you."

Could be... "Let me take your confusion, guide it over to the chalkboard of life after class and help you work through this problem in private so the other kids don't laugh."

"Life is a box of chocolates."

Or, better... "Life is an overused metaphor, so I'm gonna eat an entire box of chocolates."

I encourage you to come up with your own and share them with me! Metaphor on, my friends. Metaphor on.