Hey, I’m back! I’m happy to be returning to writing after what feels like an eternity. Despite having typed many things from emails to papers in the past month or so, it feels different to be doing this. To be pouring out my thoughts rather than spouting out facts. It’s a whole different kind of world to be writing this kind of stuff. It’s like a part of me is waking up after hibernation.

I won’t go into details, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, deliberating, and doubting these past few weeks or so (more on that later). It hasn’t been easy, digging inside myself and having to make decisions that leave me with a set of mixed emotions. And it sucks. It never feels good to feel like you’re in a rough patch and to not see how to get yourself out of it for a while. But as much as we wish we could just have lives that are all happy all the time, the facts of life tell us that this can't be the case.

No matter who you are and what situation you are in, you are going to have highs and lows.

And as much as it may sting to experience those lows, it’s a part of life. As cheesy as it is, I feel like we always hear that we can’t have the highs without the lows. You will never know just how good the highs in your life will feel until you know how devastating the lows can be.

You may have even heard that “if there are no ups and downs in your life it means you are dead”. This relates to the metaphor of electrocardiography (ECG), which records electric activity of the heart. As long as your heart is beating, you can see the pattern of the heartbeats and see the pulse in lines that go up and down. If someone “flat lines” this means that they are dead – their heart has stopped beating. We need the ups and downs to remind ourselves that we are alive. Life lived in a constant state of mediocrity is not really much of a life at all.

And I forget about this sometimes. In fact, I forget about this a whole lot.

I have a pretty good life. I know that my lows are not nearly as bad as what a lot of people have experienced in their lives. But it’s not a competition. It’s about how you feel. Comparison is one of the biggest problems that I find myself face to face with. I compare myself to other people way more than I would like to admit, and it burns me every time.

Despite knowing I could be in a much worse situation, I let hard times like what I’m facing right now take me out for way too long. And it’s mostly because I don’t appreciate how good my life usually is. My happiness gets blurred and I feel hazy when it comes to trying to find the good. I don’t appreciate those little things that make me happy because all I can fixate on is the negative.

Sitting here, writing this, is me fighting back. It’s me saying that I’m in a valley, not a hole. I can see the slow incline leading me back onto higher ground.

Maybe you feel like you’re walking endlessly through a valley of your own. I hope you know that someday you will reach the incline.