I was first introduced to the concept of love languages by my grandmother many years ago. She often gifts newlyweds the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman as a wedding present. It offers insights into communication in relationships, as well as the ways by which we give and receive love best. This particular resource narrows down love languages to five categories: quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts. After a short quiz, you are given a ranked list of the love languages and are able to see which love languages apply most to you. These languages are not exclusive to romantic relationships, as these tools can even be applied to interactions with family and friends.
I think this test has quite a bit of merit. I've taken it several times over the years and the results seem to hold true. I'm a consistent quality-timer; it is always tied for first with words of affirmation and closely followed by acts of service. These are super accurate. I am enamored with words, so I feel very appreciated when someone articulates what I mean to them. I am also a very busy person, so someone giving up time in their schedule means a lot to me. Thought processes like this really help you understand yourself and the ways you need people to reach you. I would suggest any couples, friends, or families take this quiz, as it can lead to more understanding and intention within a relationship.
While I am a firm believer in this process and its message, my ideas about love have evolved over the past several years. The first time I took the test as a high school student, it all seemed so black and white. I found it completely plausible that my entire scope of love fit into these five categories. But now, I'm not so sure.
I still find that words affirm me well and sacrificed time means the world to me. However, I no longer believe love languages can end at these five. Here's why.
In my recent life, love has taken on many different forms. More than I originally thought possible. Each day it is something completely new, poignantly small or indescribably huge. I feel it in so many different ways. Love is a meaningful conversation. It is someone going with me to dinner when I need to get out of the house. It is an encouraging post-it-note left on my desk. It is a nickname, a compliment, or even an out-of-the-blue text. It is an awkward facial expression, a perfectly-timed hug, or a mini-dance session in the kitchen. It can even be something ridiculous and silly. It is feeling known and being looked-out for. It is the feeling I am being a part of something bigger than myself. Sometimes it is tough, or not at all what I want to hear. It is protective and persistent. It is silly, pure, and perfect.
While I may argue that watching an entire television series together could be a love language, I do settle on the original five as pretty solid starting points. The important thing to remember, however, is that we cannot pigeon-hole love. It is too vast and unfathomable to place into five tidy, little categories. Doing so diminishes its value. Everyone gives and needs to receive love so differently. So let's search for ways to give it creatively and intentionally. Because there is no limit on the ways we can communicate love.
