With the holidays fast approaching, it is increasingly important to remember to treat retail and food service workers with kindness and respect. We know you're in a hurry to get your morning coffee or complete your Christmas shopping. I mean, hey, aren't we all? It's just sometimes when you put on a uniform or step behind a store counter, it seems like the people on the other side forget you're actually a human too. I didn't realize "blueberry muffin" was an emotion until I started working at a bakery and heard that in response to "Good morning, how are you?"
So here are all the phrases I say with a smile and what they actually mean. Remember, folks, tip your servers or else they'll tell their moms on you.
1. "Hi, how are you?"
Translation: Please treat me like a human being and use a little common courtesy instead of immediately barking orders at me.
2. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."
Translation: You just awkwardly complained about a very personal problem to a stranger and I don't know how to respond to you.
3. "I'm not sick, it's just allergies."
Translation: I am actually a snot faucet who has to sneak into the back every five minutes to blow my nose but I couldn't find anyone to cover my shift so here I am, in close contact with the public.
4. "I'm sorry about that."
Translation: You just complained about something that is absolutely out of my control and this apology is not sincere.
5. "It's no trouble at all!"
Translation: You just made some ridiculous request that actually is a lot of trouble and will inconvenience everyone waiting in line behind you but I have to do it for you anyway.
6. "Oh goodness *nervous laugh*"
Translation: Please stop saying inappropriate things; I'm obligated to be nice to you but I'm actually super uncomfortable.
7. "Thank you so much!"
Translation: You just tipped at least 20 percent and I appreciate you funding my pizza addiction.
8. "Have a good day!"
Translation (multiple):
a. (If person was rude) I hope you step in dog poop.
b. You were actually decent to me and I genuinely hope your day goes well.
**Disclaimer: I actually really love my job and (almost) all the people who stop in, but inconsiderate customers are a real drag.**
