No words.

I’m crying as I sit here writing this article. For the first time in my life, I feel truly hopeless.

When I found out about the shootings in Florida this weekend, something dropped in the pit of my stomach. There is nothing natural about murder, and this particular event felt personal. More than 50 people were killed while trying to escape the prejudice and hate from the world and enjoy being with each other on a Saturday night. Between this and Christina Grimmie’s death this weekend, I have lost all hope in humanity. This morning, I even told my mom I felt like there was no point in going on with the world going in such an evil direction.

While this crisis was happening Saturday night, I was catching up with some old friends after not seeing them for a year. Amid the board games and phone distractions, we got into a conversation about relationships and people we met our first year at college. I shared with them my first experience having feelings for another girl. In response, I got nothing but love and acceptance. I have yet to confide in a friend and receive an adverse reaction, which, to my knowledge, is the case for many young adults in my generation. Words cannot describe how disgusted I was to find out the shooting was at a gay bar. It’s as if everything we’ve been fighting for, the equality, the justice, was all undone in one night.

As if being in the LGBTQ community wasn’t hard enough. As if there wasn’t enough heartache in the world already. As if people don’t have to fight hard enough every goddamned day to wake up in the morning and face a world that is unfair. What is it going to take? Who is going to have to be murdered for something to be changed to stop the seemingly endless bullshit happening in our world?

I thought we were going in a productive direction. I thought we were finally starting to be accepting of all, to refrain from judgments of other people’s business. I finally felt safe for myself and for others to share with the world their true feelings and selves. This generation of people is strong, accepting and open to all kinds of love.

And you know what, we still are. If anything, we’re stronger now. Maybe now, those individuals who were still uneasy about the LGBTQ community will realize how pointless it is to hate a group of people who have done nothing but spread love. Is that apprehensive feeling you get when you see a gay couple worth the murder of individuals with the same affiliation?

We can’t hide; we can’t be afraid. We will stand together and love — love each other, love our families, our friends, our significant others, our fellow humans. Life is fleeting, and in a situation as devastating and horrific as this, all we can do is continue to love and fight for the equality and justice for all.

My thoughts, prayers and whole heart go out to everyone affected by the shooting.