Last Sunday was the 59th annual Grammy Awards — a ceremony where musical artists recognize the genius behind the hard work, talent, and accomplishments of their fellow artists in the past year. This year's ceremony was especially significant for two artists — Adele and Beyoncé. Adele walked away with five Grammys in hand, one of them for Album of the Year, beating Beyoncé's "Lemonade," which lead to a bonding moment between Adele and Beyoncé, as Adele felt the award should've gone to Beyoncé, along with the fact that Adele was just in utter awe of Beyoncé's incredible performance, even at five months pregnant, because Adele herself even touched on her own experience with motherhood and how it has shaped her and her career since becoming a mother, and acknowledged how difficult motherhood can be, along with her struggles as a mother in particular. While many were moved by Beyoncé's beautiful performance and touched by Adele's kind-hearted words and moment of truth and vulnerability, others seemed to think the two were promoting a false idea of pregnancy and motherhood.

Naomi Schaefer Riley recently wrote an Op-Ed for the New York Post with the headline "Having a baby isn't a miracle and doesn't make you a goddess." In the article, Riley goes on to speak about Beyoncé and Adele's roles at the Grammys, and how their words and actions made it seem like being a mom isn't anything special and being pregnant doesn't make you special, as motherhood and pregnancy aren't new ideas:

"Beyoncé has never known when to draw the line between what she should share with her husband and what she should share with an audience — see her chair-straddling, tush-wiggling routine from 2014, for instance. But there was another message from her endless Virgin Mary/Sun Goddess routine: Pregnancy is sexy. Motherhood is divine."
Riley then goes on to say Beyoncé's performance was "some kind of pagan worship ceremony," and the performance contradicts this era of women who insist they "should not be defined by their traditional, biological roles," but go on to fetishize motherhood."

While I don't necessarily believe in God and "miracles," and I do agree with the latter portion of Riley's headline, stating that "having a baby doesn't making you a goddess," I can't agree with her statement that "having a baby isn't a miracle." It doesn't matter if you're Beyoncé or just an "average" woman who is pregnant or has been pregnant — having a baby doesn't make you a "goddess!" Carrying and then birthing a baby doesn't make anyone more or less significant than anyone else, but it can't be denied that it is a special, life-changing experience that does require a lot of strength, physically and emotionally. As for the "miracle" aspect of having a baby, I already stated I don't believe in "miracles," but I am able to acknowledge that having a child is something to be thankful for and celebrated as not everyone is lucky enough to have a child of their own.

So many people are under the impression that having a child is incredibly easy, and therefore not that remarkable when a woman conceives a baby. However, that is not the case at all. According to the CDC, "about 10% of women (6.1 million) in the U.S. ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant." Thanks to people like Chrissy Teigen and Kim Kardashian, light is being shed on the struggle to get pregnant, and that a lot of women need medical assistance in doing so, typically using IVF to help them conceive. Now, I of course don't know this for a fact, but based on Beyoncé's age and the fact that she is expecting twins, it's certainly possible that she did use IVF and/or other medical assistance to conceive because the older you get, the harder it is to get pregnant, and it also is not uncommon to conceive multiples when using something such as IVF. So, in many cases, such as Chrissy Teigen, having a baby is a miracle, because a lot of women can't naturally conceive, can't afford medical assistance to conceive, or their body flat-out is unable to carry a child for one reason or another.

With regards to Adele, Riley felt that the portion of her speech about her experience being a mother was "similarly self-indulgent" to Beyoncé's performance. In her speech, Adele said that motherhood has been difficult, and it has caused her to lose a bit of herself, which in-turn has caused many struggles, past and present. She ended her speech acknowledging the honor of the award that was given to her, and said that winning it felt like it all came "full-circle," and like she has found some of herself, that she felt she lost, again.

Riley acknowledges that there have been reports that Adele struggles with postpartum depression, but she still thinks Adele shouldn't be tooting her own horn so much, as millions of women have been struggling with motherhood for millions of years, and that they, too, probably felt like they lost a part of themselves once they became a mother. While I do agree with this, I don't think Riley is looking at the big picture, with regards to Adele as a mother. If the reports about Adele struggling with postpartum depression are true, then that in and of itself is a huge thing to overcome.

Secondly, Adele isn't the "average" mom. No, this does not make her any more special than other moms out there, but you cannot overlook the fact that her entire career relies on her traveling, staying healthy and energized, along with giving a significant piece of herself to the public. Adele isn't just a mother who has to worry about the judgment of people who are close to her or acquaintances with her, but rather the entire world. She is constantly judged on her looks, talent, work, and even things concerning her private life — such as being a mother! She has to worry about maintaining her public image, because it is what her career relies on, along with being the best mother she can possibly be.

Adele also keeps her son's life very private, so we don't know if he has any health problems, physically or cognitively, that make her son's life a little more difficult, which makes things more difficult on her because no one can stand to see their child struggle, even in the slightest of ways. Riley compares Adele's experience and her struggles with motherhood to those with kids who suffer from health problems, but the thing is Adele shares so little of her private life, as she is completely entitled to, that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors when it comes to herself, her son, her partner, and more, so that gives no one the right to judge Adele, or anyone, on what they feel is a struggle when it comes to motherhood, or parenting and life in general. Riley also talks about moms who are struggling to make ends meet. We are all well aware that Adele is doing very well financially, so no, she does not face any financial hardship or single-parenting, but she still has to face all the other struggles that any mother faces. When Adele says that she lost a bit of herself from being a mom, I personally believe she means she lost a bit of herself with regards to being the artist everyone expects her to be, along with the mother she expects herself to be.

My own mother is a stay-at-home mom, and has dedicated her life to caring for me and giving me the best life possible because I have a chronic illness that requires full-time care. Even though I love my life and, given the circumstances, feel that it is extraordinary, there are so many days where my mom feels she isn't doing the best she can, even though I feel she is going above and beyond, not only for myself, but my older brother as well, whom she worries has felt or feels as if I am prioritized over him, because that is not how it is supposed to be. Even though all of her time is spent taking care of me, she makes sure she gives the same time and energy to my brother. My brother and I both feel that my mom is a superhero, and there are very few people that would be able to do what she does, and put up with all that she does — and yet, there is still an underlying feeling of not being the best mom she can be, even though we always tell her she is doing everything within her power, and what is within her power is more than what many people are capable of.

It is not for the public to judge, nor is it their concern, what bit of herself Adele feels she lost. It is an article, just like the one that Riley wrote, that contributes to someone like Adele doubting herself as an artist, a person, and a mom. Instead of picking apart her words and her feelings, lift her up and let her know that every mom struggles, every mom feels as if they aren't good enough, but given her life and circumstances she is doing the absolute best she can. She gives so much of herself to the public, and perhaps she feels that takes away from what she is able to give of herself to her child. Considering her career and lifestyle, and the fact that she does protect her family and child's privacy, I'd say she's a pretty fucking great mother.

There is nothing wrong with public figures speaking about their struggles, and they are not for anyone, except them, to judge. Struggles are subjective, and what might not seem like relevant or significant struggles to Riley, are significant to the person they are happening to given their life and circumstances.

As for Beyoncé, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her promoting sexuality while pregnant. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and while it is beautiful, it also changes women's bodies in strange ways that they may personally feel are unattractive. I think it's great that Beyoncé is promoting sexuality and confidence during pregnancy, because it shows how you can embrace the good and the bad of a changing body, and also still love yourself even when you feel like you or anyone else can't love the body you see in the mirror. If you want to feel sexy during your pregnancy, then by all means, do whatever you want to achieve that feeling. Even if you're not pregnant and want to feel sexy, you should! Women's actions aren't always, if not rarely, for the sake of others. It seems like a crazy notion, but a lot of women do things purely for themselves and their own happiness and well-being. Beyoncé promotes a confident public appearance, and if that means looking "sexy," then that's great! Instead of shaming her for "fetishizing" pregnancy and motherhood, we should be applauding her for embracing her sexuality and showing that you don't have to put it on hold just because your body is changing and you may not feel as confident as you normally would.

Riley concludes her article by quoting Zooey Deschanel who said she thinks having a child is a huge accomplishment, and disagreeing with Deschanel's quote, because it isn't having the child that is the "huge accomplishment," but rather raising them well. Deschanel never specifically or explicitly said "carrying and birthing a child is a huge accomplishment," but "having a child" is a huge accomplishment. There's a significant difference between those two statements. Maybe I'm reading into it too much, but the first one says that creating and then literally having the child is an accomplishment, and the other says that that creating another human being, and then having to nurture them and care for them to the best of your abilities, and beyond, for the rest of their life is a huge accomplishment.

The bottom line is, no, having a baby does not make you a goddess, even if you are Beyoncé. However, if you want to make yourself feel like a goddess, then there is no issue with that as long as you don't act like a literal "god" and treat people as if you are above them. Struggles are subjective, and how one chooses to portray themselves is only their concern. So, yes, Naomi Riley, having a baby can be a "miracle," because if there's one thing I know, you only have so much control of what your body is capable of, internally. We should always respect how people feel, as well as how people express themselves — an idea so simple that most five year olds know it.