Recently, I stumbled upon an article on Thought Catalog titled "Date Someone Who Treats You Like Shit" by Kendra Syrdal. I was seriously convinced that this article was going to be a joke. Reading through this article, I was expecting a turn of events and did not get one.
Syrdal kept reassuring the readers that she was indeed, serious. That everyone needs to go out and find someone who will treat them terribly and never bother to make an effort. Someone who will belittle them and makes them eventually question their self-worth. I couldn't wrap my mind around this article, even though it hasn't been the first time I've seen someone promote and endorse manipulative and toxic relationships. It's just never been put into an actual published piece of work.
There has always people lusting over relationships in that are obviously toxic and one party is usually treated like shit like Kendra is talking about. For starters, the most toxic and disgusting relationship that has been "relationship goals" since the movie came out: Christian Grey and Ana Steele. And apparently, it's "true love" because he ended up changing for her and they had a normal life together. Let me tell you, in a relationship where someone does not listen to you when you say "no," that's a sign that you need to pick up and run. Or "Suicide Squad"'s Joker and Harley Quinn. In the Batman comics, Joker tried to get rid of, and even tried to kill, Harley Quinn, not once or twice. It was a recurring issue. For both those "relationships" and most toxic relationships, after someone is hurt, their abuser does a big gesture and apologize, promising it won't happen again. Spoiler alert, it happens again.
We need to take into consideration how big of an issue relationship abuse is. According to National Network to End Domestic Violence, about 7 million women in the United States are assaulted or raped by a current or former partner each year. An average of three women are killed by a current or former partner every day. This is also a problem among younger people as well. A survey done by Knowledge Networks in their 2011 College Dating Violence Abuse Poll found that 43 percent of college women and 28 percent of men reported experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors in their relationships. In the same survey, they found that 57 percent of college students reported having a difficult time being able to tell what constitutes an abusive relationship. And those are only the ones that are actually reported. Imagine how many go unheard of.
As I continued to read through the article, I was more taken back with the ending than I was with the entire article. Syrdal ended with "because when you date someone who treats you like shit, you’ll realize how you actually want to be treated... You should date someone who treats you like shit. Because once you do, you’ll never let someone ever treat you like anything less than amazing, ever again." That does not happen in real life. When you are in a toxic relationship, which Syrdal is advocating for, you sometimes forget that you are an actual person. Your self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence make their way into the trash. You forget what it feels like to be loved and to have someone make you their entire world. Toxic relationships destroy your well-being, mentally and physically. Yet here people are, on Twitter and through books and movies, supporting and romanticizing manipulative relationships. Stop lusting over them. For once, can we please promote healthy relationships?
Whatever you do, please do not take Kendra's advice. Date someone who will treat you right. Find someone who will love you and cherish you. Someone you will be proud to show off and brag about to your friends and family. Find someone who can't wait to answer your texts and phones. Someone you can see yourself with for the rest of your lives (something I tell myself is, if you can see yourself owning a puppy with them, you found the right person). Find someone who will make an effort for you and endless express their love for you. Believe me, you know what you want without being in a shitty relationship.
If you find yourself in a toxic relationship, please get out of it as soon and as safely as you can. If you or someone you know is suffering from physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a relationship partner, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-787-3224.
