I struggled in how to write this article though it’s a topic I have been wanting to address for months. At first I thought I would try to write it sarcastically/satirically, mocking the style of these articles with over the top and unbelievable examples of why people should date “me”; then it struck me at how unproductive that would have been, to mock a gender I so powerfully identify with. Forgive me if I come across a bit angry and sarcastic, that is kind of the way I speak and write, but this is something that has been prickling inside me since I first started seeing these articles.

It should be noted that I am going to address you as a woman who is attracted to men, so this article will focus on heterosexual relationships…because honestly, most the articles I’m talking about focus on heterosexual relationships.

So, I have some questions for you.

Why do you think it’s okay to put down/step on other girls to make yourself look good?

One of the reasons I dislike Taylor Swifts earlier work is her song “You Belong With Me” where she compares herself to a popular cheer captain who wears short skirts while Taylor Swift wore T-Shirts and sat on the bleachers; the problem with the song is that it promotes the same kind of competitive and toxic mentality that you, fellow writer, are promoting too. Of course, if you just listen to the lyrics it could be interpreted as “she’s wrong for you because her personality doesn’t fit yours” and not “she’s wrong for you because she’s a shallow mega-bitch” but I doubt that’s why teenage girls ~feel~ this song and that’s definitely not the message the music video shares.

When another female dates a guy that you like it doesn’t make her an enemy to be eliminated or mocked; she’s not a slut; she’s not shallow; she’s not an idiot; she’s not everything you aren’t and she’s not everything you are; she’s a real human being with strengths and weaknesses just like you. Sure, she may not like the same things as you but that doesn’t turn her into your worst enemy or an object to be shoved out of the way. She should be listened to just as much as you should be listened to and she deserves people who will love her for her just as much as you deserve them.

So if you’re pushing the “I’m not like other girls” rhetoric you should know that when you say that you are discrediting an entire gender and making it seem like being a female is a bad thing and that to be superior you have to claim traditionally feminine traits as trivial failings that you have overcome.

Did you know that men are capable of having different tastes and are capable of making decisions for themselves?

This idea that you are the perfect girl for every heterosexual man because you like to drink beer or because you enjoy sports or gaming just proves that you not only have a limited idea of what other women are like but that you have even more limited ideas on what men are supposed to be. Men are apparently beer-consuming, sports-watching, chest-thumping, wild beings who love dirt and having their minds made up for them! No, not true. Just like women, men have various personalities, opinions, and tastes. Give men some credit.

Most of the headlines of the articles I’m responding to do not specify that all men should want to date a single type of women but it is heavily implied; with that implication comes the terrible assumptions that there is such a thing as an objectively superior woman and that men should only want to date her.

You know that ridiculous thing that friend-zone believers say? That belief that “girls only date assholes; girls should date nice guys, like me; I treated you like a real human being so now you owe me sex”? Well, what you’re doing isn’t all that different. You take the complexity out of human emotion and say, “hey, I’m not like other girls because [insert oddly specific verb/noun here], so you should date me! It’s. That. Simple.”

Honestly, I'm going to sound really cheesy here, if you love someone you should love them enough to let go of them. If you love someone and they don't love you back they don't owe you anything, they shouldn't be forced to be in a relationship with you when that's not what they want. If you truly love someone you'll want them to be happy and that doesn't mean they have to be happy with you.

How is this helping?

We live in a competitive society, sure, I’ll give you that; but what good does it do to compare yourself to other women or to assume that men should only want one type of women? I can’t see any good there. We’re passed the century where a relationship with a male is a matter of life and death (at least in the U.S. I can’t speak for other countries). So why is it so important to step on other women just for a dude who isn’t that into you in the first place (because you’re not his type…it happens)? Is it really worth all the hatred, objectification, and competition just to have a man pick you over one of those girls you’re not like? Ask yourself these questions next time you think about insulting another woman simply because a man finds her attractive. If you love someone you should be happy they're happy

I don't think I can make it any more clear.

There is no need for you to bring other girls down for the sake of a man (just like there is no need for a man to bring other men down for the sake of a woman) because if you want to date someone who is perfect for you than look for that person specifically instead of calling out for all men to be attracted to you.

Suggested titles that could make your article more helpful than hurtful:

Why You Should Date Someone You Complement

Why Readers Should Date Fellow Readers

Why Opposites Don't Always Attract

Why Opposites Attract

Why Feminists Should Date Fellow Feminists

People Who [Insert Oddly Specific Verb/Noun Here] Should Date People Who [Insert Oddly Specific Verb/Noun Here]!

etc. etc.

You're welcome.