When I close my eyes I can’t help but smile when I picture the sun staring at me. I feel the warmth of the sun on my pale face as a light breeze blows my hair back, so light as when you blow on your soup for being too hot
Far back in the distance I hear someone trying to whistle unsuccessfully. Like their tongue is touching too much of the roof of their mouth as they blow lightly. I turn around and realize it’s not someone trying to whistle, it’s the ocean calling me to it. I see the turquoise water glistening under the sun, the more I stare, the angrier I get of my incapability to swim. The clear water, the turquoise color of it reminds me of summer, my happy place.
Slowly I take a step forward, and another step, and another until I can feel the cold water up to my ankles, almost feeling as if the sand is moving me when the water returns to the ocean. This time when it comes, it does move me in, all the way in. I don’t panic, I am actually floating. I don’t understand until I look down below and am able to see that I have been transformed into a mermaid. My tail matching the water. I am free. I can swim as far as I want. My tail feels scaly, rough, but it doesn’t take away the beauty of it. The turquoise, the glitter on top of the turquoise makes me happy, just like summer.
As I open my eyes I realize that my sister’s room is also turquoise, except this doesn’t remind me of my happy place. I walk into her abandon room with all her furniture still in it. I think back to three years ago when she left us all. This time I get angry again, but not out of jealousy, out of feeling alone. How could she run away with her boyfriend who she had known for only three months, and not even tell me good bye who she had known for 18 years. As I look all around the room I can almost hear our laughter as when we did each other’s makeup with our eyes clothes. I can hear her whispering to me about the new guy she was head over heels for. Her eyes smiling as she told me every detail of their first encounter. Her eyes so beautiful matched the color of her wall only helped capture how enamored she was.
I can’t help but feel angry at myself for encouraging her to be with this guy. This guy who took her away from all of us, especially me. He fed her lies that sounded too beautiful to not believe. Now I have no idea who she is, or where she is now. I wonder if her eyes still sparkle when she talks about him. I wonder if her eyes still match the four walls we shared many memories in. I wonder if turquoise still remind her of me since that was our color. It was the color that bonded us together, now it is the color that separates the past from the future. It is a beautiful color that under a certain state of mind it makes me extremely happy, but in lonely days, it makes me extremely sad.
