Almost everyone has been there before: you're stuck in a dead end relationship wondering where the two of you went wrong and hoping that, as time passes, the situation will resolve itself. Because confrontation is hard. Expressing your true emotions is hard. Being mature enough to solve problems as a team is hard.
Honestly? Tough shit.
Relationships of any kind are hard, whether you're dating someone, dealing with friendships, or having a spat with your mom. The fact of the matter is, if you're not willing to put in the effort to be in one, don't start one. Being one half to the whole of a relationship is hard because it requires effort.
So, in essence, you get what you give. If you spend all your time receiving without so much as a thank you to your counterpart, expect to be blindsided with a break-up. Expect your friend to "out of the blue" stop asking you to hang out after a while. Expect your parents to hold a little resentment when you treat them like they didn't raise your ungrateful ass from birth until now.
And I know what you're probably thinking: It doesn't always work out that way! Sometimes I give and I give, but I get nothing in return!
Not exactly. In terms of relationships that have turned toxic, you need to see it from a different perspective. You give and give these people multiple second chances to fix their attitude or clean up their act, and what do they give you in return? The same load of bullshit they always deem acceptable to dish out. You give a little piece of your heart to these volatile people and what you get in return is that little piece of your precious heart smashed. No matter the case, you're giving out exactly what you deserve because you don't want to step up to the metaphorical plate and demand that you be treated the way you deserve: with respect.
Of course there are exceptions. Those in abusive relationships are not always in the safest of places, or the soundest of mindsets, to be this bold with their partner. Familial relationships are always harder to let go of, even if they are harmful. Friendships that have lasted for years can turn sour, but the fact of the matter is, you've never been without them and it would be weird to start that separation now. And I get that. But there's always give and take. You take what you feel you deserve until you become fed up and realize differently. That's when things either end or change - for better or for worse.
Relationships are not games, people. There is no "wait five hours to text him back" or "I'm going to talk to this girl in front of her to make her jealous" in the real world. Any "he said, she said" will be passed off as immature blabber at some point in your life. I mean, really? Does any of this sound like the foundation of a healthy relationship? Chicanery and deceit? Distraction and one-upping? Rules and regulations?
Grow up.
Maybe if relationships, friendships, etc. haven't worked out for you in the past, sit back and think: Am I the problem? Is my personality off-putting to even the most fowl of people? Am I not providing enough emotional support, enough fairness, enough whatever, in this relationship? Is there anything I can do to make this any more tolerable?
If you've answered yes to any of those questions, do some soul searching and come back when you've bettered yourself. Until then, quit searching for something you're ultimately going to destroy. Remember that you aren't a child and this ain't recess. These are real human lives, real human hearts, that you are toying with. It's about time people started acting like it.
Put a little extra effort into a date night with your partner. Talk to your friend about their issues, even if you've heard them a million times. Call your dad, your brother, your grandma, just to say hi.
Remember: Effort is attractive.
