Obviously, relationships aren't all fun and games, especially long term ones. They take hard work, dedication, loyalty, and copious amounts of patience.
When I was younger, I had this dream that I'd be married before I was in my mid-twenties, already starting a family. That was what my goal was because I was too young to see the full scope of the world and all that it had to offer me. I had a lot of learning left to do.
I've traveled, I've formed new ideas for potential careers, I've found that I want more to go with my future family and marriage. I understand, however, that for many people, their life goals revolve around these things, which I completely respect. What I want to share, though, is some advice. Take it or leave it! It's completely up to you, the reader.
The key point I think is essential to carry into relationships is respect, which can be shown in a million different ways. You can be thoughtful and give little gifts to your significant other that you know they'll adore, or you can reassure them when they are stressed over school or work. These are very important little additions to a relationship. What about respecting yourselves, though? What about allowing yourselves time to explore, try new things, discover new traits that you didn't realize you had? Take the time to do these things, especially when you're in a long term relationship.
I'm twenty-one years of age, and I have not stopped changing yet. No one really ever does, I suppose, but I still have no idea who I am -- only the kind of person I want to be. Before I even consider that precious, sacred end-goal that comes with a serious relationship, I want to ensure that myself and that person are one hundred percent confident in what we want. I need to be sure, because marriage is serious. It's not something I ever want to take back, regret, or have any doubts over. I refuse to rush myself or anyone else into it in order to make my life move faster -- to achieve my goals faster.
Marriage shouldn't be a bucket-list goal or something to check off the old "to-do" list. It's more beautiful and special than that. It's the ultimate commitment, the ultimate challenge, and the ultimate blessing. Why not treat it with the utmost care, caution, and patience that it undoubtedly it deserves? Relationships should be maturely formed, healthy, and comfortable before that next step comes into play.
It isn't a race. Marriage isn't a finish line to cross. It's supposed to be the point in your relationship that you have learned enough about your partner to want to commit for the rest of your lives. Compare a few years to a whole lifetime. Is it not worth it to take that time, ensure you're right for each other, and realize that this isn't something to just get out of the way? I think that if you truly love someone, you owe it to them to give everything time.
Everyone has options, choices, more to learn. Be sure that before you take that next step, you've allowed your partner time to explore these options, learn about themselves and the world. While you can do all of that during a marriage, they have a tendency to change people and give them a more fully formed perspective of the world, who they are, and what they want out of life. These are all essential things to consider before committing for life.
Deciding when your relationship will be ready for marriage shouldn't be a set plan. You can't put it on a calendar a few months down the road and force yourself to stick to that date. It should be a natural and healthy development that both parties feel ready for when the time comes. If it's rushed, it won't feel right. Take a breath, relax, and allow time to do its thing. I promise that if you're with the right person, allowing yourself more time before tying the knot isn't something you'll regret. You'll still be learning, growing, and living with that person by your side.
The bottom line is if you respect marriage and all that comes with it, respect your partner, and respect yourself, you'll be patient and allow things to progress without force. Go easy on yourself and your relationship. There's no need to add that unnecessary pressure on everyone. Go that way when you're ready, and until then, enjoy the place you're in now with the people you have now.
