Relationships. We love them. We hate them. We envy them. We loathe them. We admire them. We despise them. There's something about being with another person for a long period of time that brings upon these wide array of opinions on love and commitment.
I'm normally not one to rant about this kind of stuff. I hate when single people are extremely bitter towards people in steady relationships because I most certainly am not, and there is honestly no need to be. Ever. But after some recent circumstances and conversation about the topic, I want to say this:
I have been single for about three years now. And even then, I've only ever been in one serious relationship prior. I am also currently the only person in my group of friends who doesn't have a boyfriend. And l can sum up how I feel about it in two words: it sucks. Being surrounded by it isn't easy, but I manage. On the plus side, I've become an expert third-wheel and queen of the Netflix and Chill with my jar of peanut butter.
Over these past few years, I've talked to people, I've went on dates, I've done my fair share of Tindering (yes Tinder, don't act like you don't do it too), and overall just putting myself on the market in hopes of finding someone to share my heart with. But it feels as if no matter how hard I try, none of my effort seems to be working.
I have, just like many other people, been rejected many a times, stood up on dates, and just completely cut off without any explanation or reason. And it hurts. A lot. No one ever wants to feel like they're not wanted. It's a constant cycle of asking yourself, "Am I not pretty enough? What am I doing wrong? Why is it so easy for other people and not me? Will ever find someone who cares about me?" All of which linger in the back of my mind day after day.
I'll admit, seeing people in happy, healthy relationships tends to make me jealous; it's a longing to be loved and appreciated. I wish that I could share and give my whole my heart and time with someone and know that they are able to do the same thing to me.
But then I see people take relationships for granted. Bossing their significant other around. Telling them what to do. Cheating on them. Using them for solely for their sexual needs. It's when I see things like this happening where I ask myself, "Why would I ever want to waste my time in a relationship?"
My thoughts on these polar opposite ends of the relationship spectrum honestly give me whiplash. Some days I want to be in a relationship and others I don't. Sometimes I don't want to be tied down and sometimes I do. It's this mental battle that sometimes emotionally defeats me.
Don't get me wrong, I love other seeing other people happy. I pretty much live vicariously through other people's relationships. Love makes me happy. Other people being happy makes me happy. I love playing match maker for my friends. I'm also a firm believer in the whole "there's someone out their for everyone" theory. And even though I may not know who that person is and other people do doesn't mean I never will.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how foolish I am for thinking I need attention from a boy to be happy. How crazy it is to think that I'll never be loved just because I haven't found someone worth while yet when I'm still so young. How I thought that I need someone else to tell me that I'm beautiful for it to actually mean that I am.
Being single means much more than not being in a relationship. It's about being independent. It's about knowing your worth. It's about enjoying what you have now and waiting to share it with someone very special one day. It's about knowing that some day, the prince charming you've been dreaming and praying for since you were five will some day rescue you and you'll ride off into the sunset on his horse and live happily ever after. And until that day, I've got the company of the friends and family I've been blessed with and I've got time time.
So take it from me, there is such a thing as happily single. (But Prince Charming, if you're reading this, hit me up.)
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