College is a time of independence and self-discovery. It's a time to figure out who you are, what you like, and what you want out of life.
It also is the only chapter in your life with more romantic exploration than middle school, when kids first start realizing that having a boyfriend or girlfriend isn't gross.
We start exploring and searching for someone who excites us and someone refreshing, with a personality/interests that take you down a brand new road. You may be super punk rock and go for someone who is all about the hip-hop culture which is very new for you. You may be very prim and proper and find yourself going for the "bad boy/girl" type.
Or, you may just keep exploring and going on bad date after bad date only to find someone exciting when you come back home.
Whatever your situation, college relationships are very different from anything you may have experienced in your prior years.
In high school, it was all about "the now." You and your partner talk about what movie to go see, concerts nearby, what the plans are for prom, etc. This is someone you are with. Yes, you may like them a lot, you may even love them, but in the back of your mind you know this is "for now."
College, every person you go out with you know has the potential to be "The One." Which sounds corny and sappy but now that your adult life has really kicked off, it isn't out of line to think about the person you're with as a parent, as a spouse, or whatever else your future together could entail.
That isn't to say that finding your future spouse should be the goal of dating in college. Much of dating in college is just about having fun and meeting new people. It's when something goes from flirting at a party to coffee dates to coming home for the holidays to meet the family that it becomes about this person potentially being the one you'll settle down with.
College relationships can be hard, because (depending on your situation) you either are able to see them every single day or you don't see them at all. They could practically live at your place, pissing off your friends and roommates. They could always be near you, eventually leading to you getting sick of them and wanting some space and "me time."
Or, the only way you get to see them could be through the screen of your laptop once every week or two with the occasional visit. This could be stressful for you and your partner as well as your relationship and can lead to trust issues.
The important thing is just being smart about who you're investing your time in.You need to figure out what you like, explore your options. It's important to keep a level head and be logical.
College is an investment. You are investing your time and money to find out what you want to do with your life. You're investing your time to find lifelong friends. You're investing time and money into your career, your life, and your future. And that includes life lessons and living on your own. It includes love. Invest your time in someone who makes you feel invincible and free. Explore your options and try new things, experiment with what you like, and when you find something that feels really, really, good, explore it to the end of its course.
And as far as distance goes, it only works if you have a very strong feeling that this could be it. It is in no way impossible, just think of it as an investment, you spend your years of school apart so that when you can be together again, you've already worked out a lot of problems and worked through what will likely be one of the roughest parts of the relationship.
Dating is part of college, it's a part of the exploration and self-discovery. This time in your life is all about investing in who you'll be. It's about discovering your style, your tastes, your preferences. College is about starting your life on your own, away from your parents and becoming your own person. The most important piece about dating in college is that you have to remain true to yourself. Live your life, go see your friends, go to classes, learn about the world, study abroad, and discover who you are. Don't let a relationship hold you back from that, let the person you attach yourself to be a catalyst for all of that. Let the person you are with be someone who makes you want to be better and stronger and independent. Let the person you are with be the soil nourishing you as you grow, and be the same for them.
College relationships are not about being cute and sleeping in the same bed all the time. They aren't about getting to be together without parents and family around. they aren't even entirely about finding the person you'll marry. College relationships are about finding someone to grow with. They're about finding someone who will push you to be the best you can be and giving all that energy right back. They're about finding someone who will try new things with you, someone who will hang out with your friends, someone who will take you to weird restaurants and to see indie movies and concerts. In the most important era of personal growth, why be with someone who only holds you back?
