Most people say that the relationships worth having will last through any hardship: moving away, an intense argument, illness, etc. And while I do believe that can be true, I also feel that promoting this fairytale of things lasting "forever" undermines the importance of that previous relationship, and the important role that person played in your life whilst they were involved in it. No, they may not have been your best friend since birth, but they were still a witness to the hardships and achievements at some point. And maybe they won't be there to watch you graduate college or walk down the aisle when you find the love of your life, but they were there to hold your hand in other times of celebration or despair.
Moving on is very hard. How can we know when to cut ties and release each other from the bonds of a long distance friendship, or break up a romantic relationship that has been plagued by misunderstandings and miscommunications? Choosing to let that person slip away from your present is difficult—but it will be OK.
I find it very helpful to evaluate relationships often, talking yourself through what that person brings to your life, and how you two positively impact each other. While there may be many pros on your list, you have to understand that sometimes relationships have run their course, and the two people involved have different priorities, are on different paths, or are simply in two different places, literally. I have relationships that I have painstakingly carried with me through my recent move to Boston, from both Tennessee and Florida; holding on to the very last seams of the life I was living before, and making sure my presence stayed known in those people's lives.
People who were my world before. People I loved dearly. And those relationships will forever be impactful and important to me, but that doesn't mean we will continue to interact the same way we did before. Not all people are meant to be constants through the various ups and downs that accompany growing up!
And that is OK.
I am realizing now that those relationships weren't meant to last forever. Yes, I will always wish them a happy birthday and a Merry Christmas, and they will return the sentiment. And I will always have a deep love for them in my heart. But I am not going to tell them every detail of my life, updating them daily on the people I meet, the experiences I am having, and the emotions that surge through me. I cannot keep the relationship alive on my own, and I also cannot expect, from myself or the other person, to keep up with the slightest changes or news in the other person's life. I cannot expect a text every day or a phone call every week, because our lives are evolving and changing and moving away from each other.
And that is all OK.
Sometimes we must let our expectations die down, and we must embrace the change. We must allow ourselves to build new relationships and connections, just as meaningful, but with different people in different places in our lives. As cliché as it may sound, those people were in one chapter of your life for a specific purpose, and not everyone makes it to the very end of your life's work.
They were still important, and the love and connection that flowed between you was real—and equally as important as the connections you will make tomorrow, next week, or next year. But it is OK to let go of them. They may remind you of a different time, a simpler time, a time of major growth and improvement. But you are here now, living in this day. That relationship has not died or failed, and no one is to blame. Some relationships just simply don't make it over every hurdle life throws at you.
And that is all OK.
