College Love Doesn't Always Last

Ladies, College Relationships Are For Finding Yourself, Not "The One"

You must love yourself before you can be capable of truly loving someone else.

1262
views

Every romantic relationship ends in one of two ways: you break up, or you get married. Absorb that for a few seconds. You either spend the rest of your life with someone, or you don't... isn't that terrifying?

It doesn't have to be.

I've heard marriage is great, but I can't say much about it because, well, I've never been married. All I know is that breakups SUCK. In my experience, a breakup has the power to take a piece of your heart and remind you over and over again that it's missing. Especially if you were in love. It's an intangible pain that can't really be pointed to and treated. It hurts.

The one serious relationship I've ever been in started in high school. Two years of my life have been spent gazing into the eyes of my Skype screen, planning airport reunions, and wishing I wasn't 1,000 miles from home. He was my first love.

I was head-over-heels for him before I had even begun to fall in love with myself. I had grown so accustomed to worrying about, caring for, and affirming another person, that I simply neglected to do these things for myself. I think the same happened on his side, too. But our high school selves needed that relationship. He taught me what love is. He taught me that it is OK to feel. He showed me the impact I can have on another mind, body, and soul. He helped me grow into the woman I am today. But, eventually, we found ourselves unable to support one another as we set forth on our own paths to self-improvement.

A lot changes in college.

Academically, you find your passions. Socially, you discover new outlets of expression. Individually, you mature. Your priorities shift, you discover independence, and you enter the world of "adulting." And, ladies, college men are a whole other species than high school boys. You get the chance to experiment, adventure, and date around, all while finding what you do and don't like. And the best part is, the only person you need to please is yourself. Try not to get frustrated. Try to see this as a learning experience.

Try not to see breakups as bad experiences.

Like I said, they suck. But again, chances are if you don't break up, you'll get married. How can you be sure you've met the perfect guy without getting a chance to see what's out there? Chad might have the best body you've EVER seen, but he's also the douchiest frat douche EVER. Brad has the sweetest personality but doesn't value his family as much as you'd like your future husband to. Through trial and error, you'll begin to learn what your true "type" is. You'll avoid those qualities you absolutely hate, and you'll look for the traits you absolutely can't live without. I'm not gonna lie to you, you'll probably never find the absolute Ken to your Barbie. But, hey, you'll fall in love with those little un-planned quirks if he's truly "The One."

My favorite quote by the one and only Rupi Kaur says it perfectly:

"i do not want to have you

to fill the empty parts of me

i want to be full on my own

I want to fill so complete

i could light a whole city

and then

i want to have you

cause the two of us combined

could set it on fire"

Maybe your high school sweetheart will eventually find his way back to you. Maybe not. Maybe you and Chad are meant to be. Maybe not. Regardless, stop searching for "the one." Search for yourself first. Have some fun, make some memories... this is college, after all! Find what makes you grow, and love will find its way to you. Put yourself first. Never settle, and never forget: you are a badass woman.

You don't need a partner to be complete.

Popular Right Now

13 Movies Every Couple Needs To Watch Before They Get Married

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories.

1022
views

These 13 movies are the foundation of any long-lasting relationship, and I'm not joking. Each movie will show you something new about your partner, and make you ask each other the hard questions. How many kids do you want and how are you going to raise them? What would happen if you got into a horrible accident? Some are less serious though, like what if you could time travel?

I promise that not every one of these movies is a Nicholas Sparks classic, and I also promise that not every movie has Rachel McAdams in it!

1. "The Time Traveler's Wife"

This movie is both heartbreaking and amazing.

2. "About Time"

Let's be honest, Rachel McAdams is in all the best love stories. It's on Netflix right now, so grab some snacks and turn it on!

3. "Like Crazy"

This infamous Tumblr gif came from "Like Crazy." It's about a couple who goes long distance and build their life together. I used to cry every time I watched it, and I'm no crier! It also has the (now famous) Felicity Jones in it.

4. "The Notebook"

Every girl wants this kind of love.

5. "The Last Song"

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are literally married now so if that isn't good luck, I don't know what is.

6. "Safe Haven"

You guessed it! This is another Nicholas Sparks classic. This movie has a dark twist as well, which men will love.

7. "Inside Out"

You may be thinking that this one is a bit weird. Well, this movie will help both you and your partner understand each other's emotions better.

8. "The Choice"

This movie is great because the female lead is feisty and extremely intelligent, which usually doesn't happen in love stories. How do you keep the love alive with a woman who is hard to get, and even harder to keep entertained?

9. "The Longest Ride"

Originally I could not stand the main female lead (Britt Robertson) but now she is in one of my favorite shows (For The People), so I have no choice. This movie had me on the end of my seat, and as a rom-com it is a must.

10. "The Age Of Adaline"

I began loving the name 'Adaline' thanks to this movie. This unlikely love story and self love journey really gets me.

11. "The Vow"

Imagine falling in love with someone and building a life, but an accident forces you to start all over?

12. "Titanic"

If they don't have any sort of reaction to this movie, they are probably not the one for you.

13. "Yours, Mine, & Ours"

Yours, Mine, & Ours is a true classic. Are you Helen or Frank Beardsley? You should figure that out before you tie the knot!

You're welcome!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

41 Thank-Yous To My Boyfriend Who Stood By My Side For Three Semesters And Graduation

Life will be scary and difficult sometimes, but as long as you're there to hold my hand, I know that I will always be OK.

130
views

These last several semesters at college, I've learned so much and I've changed so much, all because of one person. A person that came at a time when things were going downhill, and completely flipped my life around. I will never forget how terrible I felt before I met you, and how much better I am with you by my side. Truly, I don't know where I would be without you. And that's why it will always be impossible to thank you enough for everything that you have done for me.

But you do deserve to know how much of an impact you have on me.

1. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on when I was struggling to get through this last semester.

2. Thank you for always listening to me rant about problems I was having with my friends.

3. Thank you for never getting tired of me talking about the same things over and over again.

4. Thank you for never acting like my past trauma was baggage or a burden.

5. Thank you for trying your best to understand and to be considerate of my anxiety.

6. Thank you for being patient with me when I take so long to process everything and sort out my emotions.

7. Thank you for dealing with my mood swings and intense emotions.

8. Thank you for never judging me over things I get embarrassed about.

9. Thank you for sharing your opinions with me, even when I didn't want to hear them, but I needed to hear them.

10. Thank you for opening my eyes to toxic behavior that I was blind to.

11. Thank you for always looking out for my health and well-being, and my future.

12. Thank you for helping me grow up and mature.

13. Thank you for always wanting to talk things out.

14. Thank you for making me feel important.

15. Thank you for giving me a reason to live.

16. Thank you for showing me what true love is.

17. Thank you for being my best friend and partner in life.

18. Thank you for breaking my walls down but never breaking a promise.

19. Thank you for keeping my heart safe.

20. Thank you for giving me endless reassurance.

21. Thank you for never making me worry about the fate of our relationship.

22. Thank you for always putting me first.

23. Thank you for being loyal and committed to me.

24. Thank you for all of the memories and adventures.

25. Thank you for never getting annoyed about taking photos.

26. Thank you for the best summer of my life.

27. Thank you for making college a much better experience for me.

28. Thank you for always putting a smile on my face.

29. Thank you for always catering to me and trying to make me happy.

30. Thank you for all the little favors you do for me and everything else you might think goes unnoticed (but trust me, I notice and I appreciate it so much).

31. Thank you for supporting everything that I'm passionate about.

32. Thank you for always making an effort to change.

33. Thank you for always forgiving me when I make (loads of) mistakes.

34. Thank you for being a good influence on me.

35. Thank you for being my role model and inspiring me to be more like you.

36. Thank you for the amount of time, effort, and love that you've put into our relationship.

37. Thank you for shaping my future.

38. Thank you for making me so hopeful and excited about everything that we are going to do throughout our life together.

39. Thank you for thinking that I'm worth it.

40. Thank you for wanting to get married, have kids, and spend your life with me.

41. Thank you for making my dreams come true.

Now that we've graduated, for the first time, we're dealing with the fact that we don't have a set path laid out for us. Real life is more than what we're used to. We might struggle to find jobs. Heck, we might find jobs but hate them. It might take forever to save up money. Things might not go according to how we planned them in our heads. We're going to have to juggle a bunch of different elements all at once. Life will be scary and difficult sometimes, but as long as you're there to hold my hand, I know that I will always be OK.

Related Content

Facebook Comments