Ladies, College Relationships Are For Finding Yourself, Not "The One"

Ladies, College Relationships Are For Finding Yourself, Not "The One"

You must love yourself before you can be capable of truly loving someone else.

1214
views

Every romantic relationship ends in one of two ways: you break up, or you get married. Absorb that for a few seconds. You either spend the rest of your life with someone, or you don't... isn't that terrifying?

It doesn't have to be.

I've heard marriage is great, but I can't say much about it because, well, I've never been married. All I know is that breakups SUCK. In my experience, a breakup has the power to take a piece of your heart and remind you over and over again that it's missing. Especially if you were in love. It's an intangible pain that can't really be pointed to and treated. It hurts.

The one serious relationship I've ever been in started in high school. Two years of my life have been spent gazing into the eyes of my Skype screen, planning airport reunions, and wishing I wasn't 1,000 miles from home. He was my first love.

I was head-over-heels for him before I had even begun to fall in love with myself. I had grown so accustomed to worrying about, caring for, and affirming another person, that I simply neglected to do these things for myself. I think the same happened on his side, too. But our high school selves needed that relationship. He taught me what love is. He taught me that it is OK to feel. He showed me the impact I can have on another mind, body, and soul. He helped me grow into the woman I am today. But, eventually, we found ourselves unable to support one another as we set forth on our own paths to self-improvement.

A lot changes in college.

Academically, you find your passions. Socially, you discover new outlets of expression. Individually, you mature. Your priorities shift, you discover independence, and you enter the world of "adulting." And, ladies, college men are a whole other species than high school boys. You get the chance to experiment, adventure, and date around, all while finding what you do and don't like. And the best part is, the only person you need to please is yourself. Try not to get frustrated. Try to see this as a learning experience.

Try not to see breakups as bad experiences.

Like I said, they suck. But again, chances are if you don't break up, you'll get married. How can you be sure you've met the perfect guy without getting a chance to see what's out there? Chad might have the best body you've EVER seen, but he's also the douchiest frat douche EVER. Brad has the sweetest personality but doesn't value his family as much as you'd like your future husband to. Through trial and error, you'll begin to learn what your true "type" is. You'll avoid those qualities you absolutely hate, and you'll look for the traits you absolutely can't live without. I'm not gonna lie to you, you'll probably never find the absolute Ken to your Barbie. But, hey, you'll fall in love with those little un-planned quirks if he's truly "The One."

My favorite quote by the one and only Rupi Kaur says it perfectly:

"i do not want to have you

to fill the empty parts of me

i want to be full on my own

I want to fill so complete

i could light a whole city

and then

i want to have you

cause the two of us combined

could set it on fire"

Maybe your high school sweetheart will eventually find his way back to you. Maybe not. Maybe you and Chad are meant to be. Maybe not. Regardless, stop searching for "the one." Search for yourself first. Have some fun, make some memories... this is college, after all! Find what makes you grow, and love will find its way to you. Put yourself first. Never settle, and never forget: you are a badass woman.

You don't need a partner to be complete.

Popular Right Now

To My Boyfriend's Mom

He loves you more than you could ever imagine...
52952
views

Without you, there would not be a him, so first things first, thank you.

1. Thank you for teaching him to love a woman the right way, to put God first, and YOU before me always, the respect he shows you is so attractive, and you deserve it.

He talks about you like you hung the moon, I don't doubt for a second that he will be an amazing father one day, I owe all of that to you.

2. Thank you for giving me a chance, learning to love me when you knew your son was doing the same.

I can't speak for my own first impressions, but hopefully mine was not THAT bad...when we both slapped him on the arms for his rude remark at the same time, I knew our relationship was already blossoming.

SEE ALSO: Finding A Husband In College

3. Thank you for every meal you have ever purchased me.

And chocolate, and candy...you know just as well as your son does that food is the way to my heart. Especially Taco Bell and cheesecake ;)

4. Thank you for your advice, suggestions, and opinions...and asking for mine

Whether it's telling me to slap him for being a smart a$$, or you're asking me about color swabs for your kitchen makeover, you come to me as if I am your own, and I am so honored to give you my own input.

5. Thank you for including me

You never fail to leave a spot for me, and I love family dinners/outings with you guys just as much as I love my own!

6. Thank you for teaching your son to never give up, and that if he does it is only to better himself, or it's the only choice he has left.

He is so focused on his future, he wants the best for himself, and he is constantly reminding me that these are things that YOU taught him, you deserve to be so proud.

7. Thank you for letting him love my family, and allowing me to love yours.

He is so loyal and loving to my family, and I don't even have to ask myself why because I see him with you and yours. Thank you for letting us double up on holidays when we can, and making sure we get the most out of our time with you!

8. Thank you for being his best friend.

I think of him as mine too, but I couldn't think of a better person to also hold that title, you know him better than anyone else and you always will.

9. Thank you for teaching him how to treat a woman

He is constantly telling me "You sound like my mother." Thankfully earlier in our relationship, he told me that the woman he wants to be with, should do just that. He always tells people who try, "No, no one calls me by my full name except my mom and my girlfriend."

10. Thank you for your honesty

We all know that he and I can drive you crazy sometimes, thank you for telling us like it is, and making sure we know you still love us anyways.

SEE ALSO: 8 Tiny Lies Every Young Woman Has Told Their Best Friend

11. Thank you for teaching him to work as hard as possible in anything and everything he does.

I have never met anyone with such a desire for success, he and I are constantly discussing how we can better our futures, and I know exactly where his drive comes from.

12. Thank you for teaching him to clean up after himself

Even though sometimes, it takes him a minute to do so.

13. Thank you for teaching him how to love, and letting him love me.

I have never felt so loved by a man, probably because anyone else who came into my life was just a boy. Thank you for your unconditional love for him, he is your entire heart and that is so easy to see, I am happy to share his with you.

You and I both know that even years from now we will both occasionally probably be closing the fridge that he left open, cleaning the crumbs he dropped, demanding he take a shower after playing soccer, or reminding him 20 times about plans we made weeks ago, we both share such a great love for such an amazing man. I could never be more thankful that you brought forth into this world such a comforting, supportive, protective, steadfast, driven, handsome, and hilarious guy. Thank you for everything you do for him, for me, and for us, I love you a lot!

Cover Image Credit: casey

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

How College Changed My Relationships

Living three and a half hours home isn't always easy, a lot has changed.

118
views

At eighteen years old I was still young and naive about leaving home. Athens, Ohio was going to be this wonderful place where I always had a good time and I would be unstoppable. Literally, unstoppable. How could anyone tell me what to do in my own dorm? That was my space... DUH. I have family in both Pennsylvania and Michigan so going to school seemed like no big deal to me. My mom and dad always packed us in the car to see family, to me three and a half hours didn't seem too far. Along with changes within myself, many personal relationships changed as well over the course of this year.

Mom, my number one fan and my gossip buddy was hours away from me! Of course, we talk on the phone, shoot each other texts and silly screenshots, but it's not the same. It can be difficult to maintain that "close as can be" relationship over the phone. I wouldn't consider myself to have gotten homesick until very far into the semester. There is nothing like your mom taking care of you when you're sick! Our time apart has only made our time spent together more special, our laughs a little louder, and our hugs a little tighter.

Ryan, leaving your BEST FRIEND behind made making new friends a little awkward. I felt like I was cheating on our friendship, we literally have tattoos for each other and now we have to make new best friends?!?! Our contact with each other would decrease and pick back up when one of us had something juicy to talk about. She was busy with school and soccer, and I with school and friends here. At the end of the day, we always knew we had each other back through thick and thin, that's how best friends are. We could understand that every minute we had couldn't be spent on the phone finding out what was going on hours away. I have to tell you though, there are always a few tears saying see you soon when we head back to school.

Tyler, going into college in a relationship was definitely a difficult road ahead for the two of us, but we cared enough for each other to take on that road together. The first ten months of our relationship were spent within 20 minutes of each other and most of those ten months we were by each other's side. By no means was it easy to not see you every day when had the freedom to do so over summer. As the months passed, times got easier and harder and we are still figuring out how to make the distance work. It's a whole different level of effort with a significant other. I hope for better and easier times, only the happiest future.

God, coming to school I wanted to reconnect with God and become more spiritual. I had looked at some options on campus but didn't make the time needed for the one person I should have. I regret this decision the most, which I rarely regret in life. College feels like I'm moving 100 miles an hour and I can't catch a break. There is a heavyweight I cannot lift on my own and the only guidance I can ask for at this moment is yours. I know that my change in relationship with you is the answer.

At the end of the day, I'm thankful for all this year has brought me. With summer coming I hope to spend quality time with those I love and let them know how much I appreciate them.

Related Content

Facebook Comments