In elementary school, I absolutely love Valentine’s Day. I mean what child doesn’t? Crafting a cute, glittery box soon to be bursting with free candy and cards from literally everyone in class telling you how nice of a friend you are -- that’s a self-esteem boost if I’ve ever heard one. Then I hit middle school and took a step back. A strange mix of anime and hormones seemed to inform everyone that this was the time to confess your undying love to your crush or if you were me, secretly hope that they would make eye contact with you in the hallway and realize you existed. Nonetheless, I was also still in the stage of thinking romantic relationships were weird, and was too busy scrambling to make valentines for all of my friends the night before.

I think high school was when my relationship with Valentine’s Day really started to get complicated. Suddenly I was introduced to this weird anti-Valentine’s Day phenomenon called Single Awareness Day where bitter girls influenced by the commercialism surrounding the holiday were convinced that they were “forever alone” and that this was a bad thing. I began to hate the fact that people placed so much importance on the romantic side of this holiday because it ruined what the holiday had meant to me before: showing people I loved how much I care about them (also the candy! Excuse me if I want to buy myself a box of chocolates and a pink teddy bear). As I got older, the weight of Valentine’s Day seemed to only get heavier. I remember watching the awkward dynamic of those in relationships, forced to go through the test of Valentine’s Day to see whether they were committed enough to live up the ridiculous standards set by the media. Without a doubt, a girl would end up in tears while I continued to give consoling advice year after year. (Although looking back, I don’t understand how they thought I was even remotely qualified for the job considering the only experience I had was watching rom coms snuggled up in a blanket by myself eating Cheeto Puffs.)

Coming to college has only made the concept of romantic attachments so much more indefinite. Freshmen year, in general, has exposed the underlying vulnerability that exists in everyone. We just want to feel wanted, whether that’s through a romantic means or just an awesome group of accepting friends. It can feel isolating when it seems like everyone around you seems to have so much more experience than you in the ever ambiguous love department. If there’s one thing nineteen years of singlehood have taught me, it’s that Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to treat yo’self! As dumb as it sounds, I would never exchange any of my experiences with the holiday just to see what it’s like being on the relationship side of it. I’m so much more confident and grateful for what I have because of it, realizing that having a relationship can be a wonderful, growing experience, but it’s also something that I don’t need to live a fulfilled and happy life. Although I may have had my ups and down with Valentine’s Day in the past, I think it’s safe to say that this year I’ll be returning to my Cheeto Puffs and chocolate hearts with open arms.