I once heard my grandfather say that “the computer was the worst thing ever invented.” Ironically enough, this remark came from the same man who won’t hesitate to call me five separate times in the same day to ask how to post a comment on Facebook. Needless to say, he and his 2013 Gateway laptop are still trying to work things out. Some days their relationship resembles that of Lucy and Ethel, other times it’s more of a Sid verse Nancy dynamic. Regardless, his appetite to understand and utilize technology is huge, and since I’m under the age of 20, thus automatically categorized by my, “generation’s disturbing dependence on our cell phones” I should have no problem understanding why. I’ve found that it’s most often my “elders” who are the quickest to judge what they assume to be my “obsession” with technology and social media. “God it’s like you can’t stay off that thing for a second!” my mother often barks at me as I casually scroll through my Instagram or Facebook feed. These remarks are often followed by, “how can I make this photo bigger?” or “quick! Help me send this e-mail.” As much as new technology confuses, frustrates and sometimes even infuriates what I would consider to be “the older generation”, I believe most still wish to be a part of the digital realm. In my grandfather’s case, he is adamant about mastering the art of video chat in order to connect with friends and family he would otherwise have extremely limited access to.

Active social media users spend their time roaming around in the digitized society rather than the physical one, utilizing platforms such as Facebook and Twitter to create projected identities that encompass everything from their daily activities to their personalities and outward appearances. As we scroll through our newsfeeds that overflow with photos, videos, status updates and comments from our friends it is easy to feel disconnected, overwhelmed and even lonely and we begin to compare our own lives to the ones appearing on our computer screens. On the other hand, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t experience a spark of joy whenever I receive a new form of gratification through social media. Whether it be in the form of a Facebook friend request or like on Instagram, I’m immediately drawn to my illuminated cell phone screen. Furthermore, it seems as though my relationship with technology is representative of Walt Whitman’s famous question in “Song of Myself.” Like Whitman I can’t help but wonder: “do I contradict myself?"

Whenever I go out for a meal with a group of friends we have a ritual that we refer to as “stacking the phones”. I can’t recall who came up with it or when it first originated, but the practice is always initiated as soon as we’ve placed our order. Each iPhone is handed in and placed in a neat stack on the edge of the table, not to be touched until the bill is paid. However, as I think back to all the times I’ve handed my phone over for compilation, I distinctly recall the overwhelming feeling of giddiness when the smooth fiber-glass exterior of my phone is back, sitting comfortably in my palm. I eagerly press the home button and wait the nano-second it takes for the screen to light up to indicate a new notification. If none appear, I unlock the screen and spend as much time as I please hopping from app to app, reading snippets of articles shared on Facebook or re-tweeting the 140 character trains of thought from my favorite celebrities. The reason my friends and I feel the need to “stack the phones” is because we know if we don’t, the quality of our conversation will falter, as we claim to one another “yeah I’m listening!” while our eyes stayed glued to our screens and our fingers hastily dance across our displays. Distraction is the name of the game, and we are all aware of the power our phones can have over us-- acknowledging the existence of the problem is the first step to recovery, right?

In “Song of Myself” Whitman goes onto answer his originally posed question with a degree of nonchalance. I picture him shrugging his shoulders as he admits, “very well then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes”. It is with this same sense of casualness that I mull over my own personal affiliation with technology and the impact (or lack thereof) it has over me. I’m aware of the criticisms-- it’s distracting power, how it works to isolate us it’s function as the gateway drug to hyper-individualism, and in some circumstances, such as eating meals with my friends, I willingly attempt to limit my vulnerability. However, I still can’t necessarily succumb to the blanketed statement that “it’s all bad.” Does this resistance make me more of a fiend than I would like to admit? Or, am I simply less likely to consider the negative aspects as tangible issues because I would rather focus on the positives instead. If my relationship with technology had to be defined in Facebook terms, our status would definitely read, “it’s complicated”.