I'm Not Asking For Prince Charming, My Relationship Standards Are Pretty Simple

I'm Not Asking For Prince Charming, My Relationship Standards Are Pretty Simple

Read about my personal struggles with wanting to start a relationship during my time at ISU.

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Ever since I was in grammar school, I dreamt of the day that I would have that special guy in my life who knew practically everything about me, appreciated me for who I am, loved me unconditionally and knows how to always make me have a good laugh. Being in college has definitely knocked that expectation out of my head because of the roadblocks that guys throw our way when it comes to wanting to commit.

One of the biggest excuses I have been told is that I don't have time for a relationship, which from my personal experience is not true. I had three jobs at one point during my freshmen year of college, completed all of my assignments, had a social life and still technically had time for a relationship to fit in there.

I've given up on the idea that Prince Charming is bound to come into my life, but my list of expectations are very simple. Be there for me just like how I will be there for you. Make some time occasionally for us to be able to hang out one-on-one so that we don't lose touch with our relationship. Lastly, show me that you care in any way, shape or form that reminds me that I never have to question if you still think about me. I'm not expecting my future boyfriend to send me flowers once a week, buy me fancy dinners or have to shower me with gifts. The biggest "gift" I could ever want is their time. I don't need to be taken to a white tablecloth restaurant, need you to drive me everywhere we go or need you to make time for me every day of your life. As long as there is communication between the both of us that never makes me feel as if you have lost interest in our relationship then you'll make me the happiest girl in the world.

My idea of a perfect date consists of either of these activities: hanging out and listening to music, watching a movie, walks on campus, doing homework at the library, going to the gym to workout or just driving around town! Sometimes I feel like guys think that we expect to be taken on these fancy dates that involve us having to get dressed up or takes up a lot of time. In reality, as long as we are spending time with you, that's considered a date no matter how short it may seem or doesn't require that much effort to have it happen! In high school, it was considered a date if we just walked around our town mall and didn't even end up buying anything because it was two people spending time together regardless of what was being bought or had going on around them.

Being in a relationship is still a stage of my life that I have yet to experience but I know that when it does happen, I will put my best foot forward to show my significant other that he means a lot to me, I would do anything for him and that he can talk to me about anything. A lot of people don't really understand how important communication is in a relationship because we cannot expect our boyfriend/girlfriend to be able to read our minds if we are feeling a certain way.

College is supposed to be the best time of our lives, so don't waste your time trying to impress someone that doesn't give you the time of day or doesn't care about your life beneath the surface of what is seen by the naked eye. You want a person that is going to be there for you regardless of their hectic schedule, will show you that you are special and worth their time.

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.
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Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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Believe Them When They Say, 'It Isn't You, It's Me'

When failure helped me to realize, I wasn't investing in the right person.

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"It's not you, it's me," is one of the most cliche lines we've heard when it comes to ending a relationship.

We're always told that it's the other person's fault for the sudden termination of what we'd hoped to be our forever, not ours. Making us immune to the accountability of our problems.

For me, at least, I can say that most of the time I'd let this proclamation in one ear and out the other. Not paying much attention to the nonsense, as it made me believe I was the least problematic and most perfect factor in my relationships.

To be completely honest, I have always liked to believe that when it comes to being a girlfriend, I'm flawless. My intentions are always pure and my love is always genuine. I do everything right. I make the time, show the effort, and pour the good in myself into my significant other.

But after multiple failed relationships and endless years of tears, I've had to sit myself down and figure out what the problem is. Is it my actions? Or lack thereof? Is it my appearance? Is it my personality?

I've found myself continuously questioning my physical characteristics and what I thought were my redeeming qualities, all because of the failed relationships I've had. And still, after pondering on every external characteristic I could possibly think of, I concluded that each of the times I've been told it hasn't been me, and has been them, has been accurate.

With all that I do and all that I am, there's absolutely no way the ends of my relationships could have been my fault. Although I steadily questioned myself, I couldn't find any problems in who I was as a girlfriend, making them the ones who were at fault.

But finally, and surprisingly, I came to realize that it's not my external qualities that are causing the demise of my relationships. It isn't my appearance or my personality. It isn't that I'm not doing enough. But it is me. It is me simply because of my internal thoughts of myself.

I didn't love me.

I didn't ask myself what I thought of me. I didn't ask myself if I believed I had a great personality. I didn't ask myself if I loved me. And that's where my problems laid.

My problem, my failed relationships, weren't because of them. They were because of me. Because I didn't love myself. I didn't cherish myself. Like I said before, I have always poured all of me into them. But have I ever poured all of my energy and time into me? No.

From these failures, I have learned that if you don't love you, no one else can love you. And that is why failure was inevitable in these partnerships.

When you aren't investing in yourself, believing in yourself or loving yourself, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

It is you who knows what you want and desire out of life. It is you who sets a level of expectation for how others treat you. So when you aren't loving yourself, you're showing others that they can treat you the way you feel about yourself. So when it isn't good, know the treatment won't be great. Others will act accordingly based on the way you break yourself down or lower your standards. Ultimately, when you show the world how you view yourself, the world will act accordingly.

This is why loving yourself is essential. For lasting relationships, it's important to love you before you pour all you have into someone else. When you know what's in your heart and appreciate who you are, when you love who you are, you'll only allow yourself to be in relationships, to know people, who love you just as much.

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