There is a Reason a Crush Is Called A Crush

Recently, I confessed to a crush, and I was rejected. It sucked, and it still sucks.

When I confessed, the moment he said "Can you give me some time to think?", I was burying myself in shame and regret. Although I try not to regret anything in my life, but that moment at least for now, I kinda do? I knew he just didn't have the right words to say in person and needed to think about answering in a different situation so he didn't end up hurting me. But, I'm less hurt but just dying over second hand cringe.

I just feel stupid, you know? Did I misinterpret his kindness? I felt so bad that I read too much into his actions, but he just wanted to be friends. I felt so stupid because I thought that things were different. In my honest opinion, I don't think him rejecting me because he didn't like me was the source of all my distress. I think he is entitled to his own opinion, and I respect that. I really just can't live with myself misinterpreting his kindness and that honestly makes me feel stupid. It's overall okay because in the long run, you live and you learn and I didn't want to live with any regrets. BUT, ITS NOT THE LONG RUN RIGHT NOW AND I STILL FEEL SUCKISH.

It's like a combination of being punched in the stomach and wanting to throw up. It felt as though there was a pit in my stomach, and it wasn't something I wanted to have or wanted to handle. But, that was and still is my life. Although the initial feeling has subsided, the second hand cringe is still readily available and hot on the market. I really really really still don't feel comfortable about what I did even though it has been days.

I did it because I never confessed to anyone. I thought that it was okay, and I had the balls to do it. I wanted to grow from this situation, and I thought I would be better, but it honestly sucked sooooo much more than I actually thought it would. I thought it would be okay and honestly everything surrounding him was really low risk (I don't see him often and I don't really text him that much). But, he was a nice guy and super sweet, and I wanted to shoot my shot especially if it's so low risk.

Doing damage control, I really don't know how to face him. Is it weird to pretend nothing happened? Is it weird to not avoid him? Does he feel bad or awkward about it? Can I bury myself into a hole? I'm sorry.