To be fair, “rejected” might not be the right word – more like “turned away,” or “passed up.”
When going to a large school, like Pitt, making friends can be a little difficult. It’s hard to really get to know someone in a 350-person lecture hall. And to be honest, I’m pretty shy when it comes to meeting new people for the most part. I joined various clubs and groups in hopes of meeting new people and getting involved with service – but most of them proved to be unfulfilling.
I contemplated the idea of joining a sorority. However, I had forgone the recruitment process my freshman year because I didn’t think I was ready for the commitment while I still adjusting to my new college environment. However, my freshman year roommate, like many others, joined a sorority and seemed to love and embrace her new group of friends and philanthropy.
Unfortunately, “sorority girls” face a serious and detrimental stereotype. Many people associate these girls with undesirable characteristics, like unintelligent, wild, fake, egocentric, and sloppy. Although I know for a fact that this is untrue for the majority of these girls, I had a very hard time with the idea of potentially associating myself with the stereotype. In my head, continuously listed the pros and cons of joining a sorority. I had reached my decision just in time to sign up for formal recruitment in the spring.
I decided to take the plunge and “rush.” My roommate decided to rush as well which made the experience slightly easier and more fun. I went to the initial meetings and visited my first round of houses. Although lots of girls had warned me about the grueling and crazy recruitment process, I didn’t think I was mentally prepared for the experience. After my first round of houses, I quickly forgot why I wanted to join a sorority in the first place. It wasn’t a terrible experience by any means, I just thought in my heart or hearts that it was not consistent with my personality and that I would be better off dedicating my time somewhere else.
About a week after recruitment was over, I got an email from the recruitment director of my freshman-year roommate’s sorority which also turned out to be the same sorority that my current roommate was rushing. The email stated that a sister recommended me for the sorority and that I was invited to meet with the recruitment director and discuss “the process.” I was unsure what this meant and whether or not the sorority wanted me or if I was only one of many that they were looking at. Initially, I decided that I did not want to be involved. After talking to family and friends, I decided that I should give it another shot – so I did.
I was excited at the idea of belonging to something, getting involved on campus, meeting new people, and being in the same sorority as a lot of my friends. I met with the recruitment director and another sister. I was extremely nervous and it showed, but I tried as best as I could to calm myself. I address all of my concerns to the sisters that I met and they assured me in all aspects. I thought that I had very engaging conversations despite fighting my nerves and shyness. The recruitment director told me I would hear from her soon and I was ecstatic.
During the meeting, there was no mention that I was being compared to other girls. I suppose I assumed that I was the only girl that they were looking to potentially add to the recruitment class. I talked to my froommate about my meeting and my excitement. We both thought for the most part that I would be invited to further the process and that we would eventually be “sisters.”
A few days later I received an email from the recruitment director. However, it was not what I hoped it to be. She stated that they filled their quota for the spring recruitment class and thanked me for my time. I was devastated. Being so shy, it was extremely hard for me to put myself in a vulnerable position like that. Before, I was okay with not joining a sorority – hence I dropped out of recruitment. However, I thought that I was a shoe-in to get the open position and no knowledge that other girls were competing for the same spot. Had I known that I was 1 of 7 or 8 potential members, I probably would’ve approached the situation quite differently. But, I didn’t know and that made it that much more difficult to deal with.
Being rejected really degraded my self-esteem. I started comparing myself to the other members of the sorority and wondered what they had that I didn’t have, what they said that I didn’t say, and what those two sisters saw in them that they didn’t see in me. It crushed me. Like I said, I was okay with not being in a sorority, I was okay with terminating my involvement with the recruitment process. However, this opportunity was more or less dangled in my face and I was filled with confidence that it came my way for a reason and that I was supposed to embrace it. I guess I took it as a sign pointing me in the direction that I was meant to go, but I ended up not getting there.
For about two weeks I took the decision to heart. I was upset and lost. I didn’t know what to make of the experience. I was bitter and embarrassed.
Eventually, I accepted the rejection and decided not to take it personally. I made an active effort not to let it affect me anymore and I decided that acceptance or rejection from a group of girls that do not even know me did not define me. Although there could be numerous reasons why someone else got the bid over me, those reasons don’t make me any less of a person than them or the other members of the sorority. Rather, I am different.
So whether you've been excluded or rejected from a group, a person, a program, do not take it personally, don't question yourself or your worth. Embrace what makes you different because that's what makes you who you are.
