It's May 2018, and I'm almost done with my senior year of high school! I've learned a lot in these past four years, and it's been an amazing experience being in a classroom full of people who are just as smart as me, if not smarter. Although I've learned quite a lot, I'm just 18-years-old (my damn telencephalon is still developing, for God's sake!) and I don't yet have the capacity to think long-term and prioritize my long-term needs over my immediate needs. I'm still mostly driven by impulse and emotion, and until senior year, I haven't really experienced what I'd call a major failure.

Entering senior year, I started filling out my Common Application like any responsible senior would do. I was extremely proactive and started doing it since July, but maybe I was a bit too proactive, maybe a bit too arrogant even. I'm pretty sure that most of you that are reading this are already in college, and that's alright (you can probably relate to how I feel).

My arrogance started out with me submitting my first application to Harvard in late September.

I thought I had a good shot at getting in— my grades, extracurriculars, and awards shone through my Common App, and I thought I did a damn good job with my essays. Like most of the incoming freshman class at Stony Brook, I'm on a pre-med track. I wrote my main essay about why I wanted to be a doctor, and I poured my heart and soul into it. I wrote another essay about how writing poetry changed my life for the better and helped me manage my stress more appropriately.

By November, I ended up applying to seven Ivy League schools, MIT, Johns Hopkins, and other selective reach schools. I felt that I wouldn't get into all of them but at least one. My interviews seemed to go fine, and my interviewers commented for the most part that they enjoyed the conversation. However, I desired only Harvard because of my amazing experience there for a summer. I thought that I only deserved the best of the best. I felt empowered and unbeatable. It was almost a godlike feeling when I hit that submit button.

I thought I'd be guaranteed a seat.

I could have never been more wrong. I ended up getting rejected from every single reach school I applied to.

My arrogance was quickly crushed on March 28, when I received seven Ivy rejections in a row.

I was devastated and my overinflated ego was shattered. I'm much more humble now than I ever was in my entire life, but I used to carry with me envy towards the hundred or so kids in my school that did get into those schools that I got rejected from.

My ego was absolutely decimated when the senior class organized a "College Apparel Day" and I saw so many students wearing the apparel of those amazing schools. I felt demoralized and worthless. I couldn't shake off the toxic elitist mentality that many students in my year had until I came to terms with my failure. My life has always been full of setbacks, but this felt like a huge stab in the chest. I thought I failed my parents, my teachers, and myself.

However, I eventually realized that I shouldn't have been so cocky, given that many circumstances were just out of my control. I began to appreciate the colleges that did offer me admission and I felt grateful that I got into at least one college! I eventually chose Stony Brook by mid-April after visiting and realizing that I don't need to go to an ultra-selective school to enjoy college and be successful!

To be honest, my main reason for choosing Stony Brook was because it could offer me exactly what I wanted in a college—a campus close enough to home where I can regularly visit, amazing academics, renowned research, and a wonderful community in the Honors College where everyone can support each other for the next four years in a close-knit family!

Although I'm still to blame for my arrogance, it was also the mood that everyone else felt when they hit the submit button too. My high school is widely known for being ultra-competitive, which meant that senior year got really toxic really fast. I managed to pull my grades up from junior year. I did have a solid GPA and I maintained most of my extracurricular activities.

Even now, senioritis hasn't really hit me (yet!) and I'm even more motivated to do well at Stony Brook! I'm looking forward to the vast opportunities Stony Brook will offer me, and I can't wait to get into medical school to prove to myself that no matter where I attend, I can become a successful doctor.