For some reason, responding with the one-word answer of “no” seems to be quite hard for people to do. I’ve always been a person who’s quite susceptible to peer pressure, which to the naked eye seems like a bad thing. But there have been some good things that have come out of my friend’s peer pressure (except I maybe should’ve rethought going out the night before I had a 9 a.m. exam…).
As you read this headline, your first instinct is probably drawn to the area of consent.
I don’t want to get super preachy on you and reiterate things you probably (hopefully) already know about honest consent from both parties, but I still want to touch on it.
It still, to no end, surprises me how much some people still don’t seem to listen when someone tells them “no” during any sexual encounter. I physically cannot grasp the idea of someone being told “no” and the other person choosing to blatantly ignore their demand and continue on with the act. No means no; there’s really no other way to interpret that. It doesn’t mean 'not right now,' 'maybe later' or 'not that, try something else.' It just means no, and you can’t walk around that.
Onto something else now!
It’s a Friday night, I’m cozied up in bed, ready to just have a chill night after a long week and watch Netflix when I get a call from a friend asking me to go out with them. Instantly I say “no,” that I had a long week and just want to stay in because that was my plan. But still, they beg and beg and say that I’ll miss out if I don’t go with them, or that it’s lame to stay home on a Friday night. So I cave. And get up, get ready and within the hour find myself with the rest of my friends out and about.
It happens, I could say, nine out of 10 times. I’m like a broken record. I always cave.
But it frustrates me sometimes how they won’t just accept the first answer of me saying no. Most of the time I don’t regret going out. Most of the time I’m happy that I got out of bed and joined my friends. Most of the time.
Other times I’m mad at myself for not doing what I wanted. I’m wishing I stayed home instead of going out to a dirty, noisy house.
But then I find those few times that I decide not to go out, I’m stuck in a big mess of FOMO (the “Fear Of Missing Out”). For some reason, that’s what has gotten me half the time to go out. I don’t want to miss anything! I don’t want the end of the year to come and regret not having done something, or anything, really.
In college especially, I see many more cases of FOMO than I did in earlier years. Everybody older than me has always talked about how quickly these four years go by or how much they wish they did things they didn’t do. And I don’t want to feel that way.
So I’m pressured time and time again into doing things I initially don’t want to do.
Why don’t people just listen when you say no?
You’re right, I said I usually don’t regret going. Most of the time. But that doesn’t mean it’s OK for people to keep pressuring and pressuring you to do something.
I know these things about me and know that I’m pretty dang susceptible to peer pressure. But I’m trying to change that. But it’s hard to change things around you when everyone that’s constantly around you is pressuring you into things you don’t want to do.
People, when I say “no,” it actually means “no”! There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it. You can’t walk around it; people need to learn to accept that.
