My 2018 started off like a dream. I got to spend a few days at Disney World with my family before my internship ended and my fiance' would be moving to be with me in a few weeks.It's crazy how much can change in a year. I thought my night would be different tonight. I would get my first New Year's Eve kiss and from someone I loved more than anyone. He'll be kissing someone else...
I looked forward to planning a wedding and getting married. I'm crying while typing this, I'm tired of crying.
My 2018 started off as the best year of my life and ended as the worst.
I've learned a lot about love and life.
I've learned that love can cause the most pain but I've also learned that it can also cause the most joy. I may have lost someone I loved dearly but I found out that I am dearly loved by a lot of people. I have a lot of people that have been there for me. Some people who I expected and some people who I didn't even know cared. I found out that I need to love myself again and that's going to take time.That's going to be the hardest obstacle to face but I'm ready. I have a lot of love to give and I can spare some for myself. I realized you can't make someone love you no matter how hard you try and that I don't want to be with someone that doesn't fully love me. I deserve someone who only has eyes for me and that can love me wholeheartedly and unconditionally for the rest of my life. Most surprisingly, I got some faith back and I am starting to accept God's love and his plan for me. It may not be what I pictured but in the end I have to trust that it's going to be a masterpiece.
I've learned that life isn't always fair. I've learned that life doesn't always go how we want it to and your life can be changed in an instant. My life plan was completely shattered and I don't think he even shed a tear. I've learned that life goes on with or without you. I could have stopped living my life and let someone else control my future. That's not going to happen. I have always had a fierceness in me and I'm a fighter. You can dim my flame but you can't put it out completely. I've learned that life has made me strong and shaped me into the person I am. Most people say they want to be a "new" them for the New Year but I want to bring back the girl that got pushed down and hidden away and that wants to come back better than before. I am going to improve myself and follow my dreams because the best feeling in the world is proving people wrong. The most powerful thing I can do is to keep living. One day I'm going to see someone that hurt me this past year and smile as I walk by. They're going to feel that deep in their soul and that's more than anything I could write or say. Happiness kills.
I'm going to be spending my New Years Eve hopefully making some new friends and with a fruity drink in my hand and I might even cry; but this time it'll be tears of happiness because I made it. If you don't do anything else tonight, do me a favor and just be proud of yourself for making it. I'm proud of you.
My advice for 2019 and for everyday you face is to have a good heart. People are going to treat you badly no matter how genuine and compassionate you are but; the best revenge is not letting it darken your spirit. Come back shining brighter.
