Looking back over my past few years in college, I realized most of my expectations from freshman year weren't met. I applied to Seattle University with the understanding it was a liberal Jesuit school with a focus on advocating for social justice. That drew me in, and I was so excited when I got my acceptance letter (also because my backup plan had wait-listed me, but that's beside the point). I thought I was entering a space where people could safely celebrate and stand up for diversity, equality, and representation.
The thing is, though, you have to actively seek out those safe spaces on campus. The more time I spent at school, the more overwhelmed I felt by how "othered" I was. Sometimes, I even felt tokenized, like my presence was more of an advantage to the environment rather than for myself. This is especially true in classrooms. I can't count the number of times a professor has looked at me expecting a response when a discussion on race (especially East Asian races) popped up. For the record, I'm not even East Asian. I'm Filipino. Don't even get me started on the, "You don't even look Filipino," comments.
I felt the need to constantly validate myself through my identity and experiences. What's important to remember, though, is that if you don't owe that information to anyone who asks. You share and teach because you want to, not because others feel you are obligated to do it for them.
This may depend on what classes you're taking, but from my experience, I learned professors don't know everything. Just because they could have a PhD doesn't mean they're always right.
The professors I appreciated the most are the ones who not only teach classes, but actively learn from their students as well. They're the ones who understand generational differences and want to see our diverse worldviews to make their teaching materials more relatable. Although a classroom should be a place of equality, some professors can't shake off discriminatory biases they hold. It's both hilarious and pitiful to see a professor make a race joke, then awkwardly shuffle around when no one laughs.
When I was a freshman, I thought I had to make as many friends as possible, and they would stay active participants in my life. This is still partially true. I made some great friends from the commuter collegiums and we still stay in touch. But the truth is that the older you get, the busier your schedule becomes. You can't always drop responsibilities to go on an impromptu hike up Mt. Rainier.
But the friends who stay are the ones who understand that. They've got busy schedules of their own. Some of my closest friends are people I haven't seen in months, but whenever we meet it's like no time has passed at all. Hold onto those people.
Even though my vision of what college would be like wasn't met, I still learned a lot about myself and what is happening around me. At this point in my last year of undergrad, I can definitely say I'm looking forward to graduating in the spring. College may not have been what I imagined, but it sure did teach me self-awareness.
