I remember the day as a little kid that it dawned on me that the defining quality of an aunt or uncle was the fact that they were the sibling of one of my parents.

"Okay, wait." I said to my mom to clarify. "But uncle Ricardo and aunt Lele aren't either of your siblings, right?."

"Exactly. They're not actually your aunt and uncle, just your aunt and uncle by marriage."

That perplexed me, because I had never thought about it that way.

What confused me even more when I asked why another aunt of mine, who is not married and not the sister of either of my parents, is called my aunt. My mom then told me that my aunt had come to live with my grandparents at sixteen to help take care of their three kids, one of them being my dad. Since then all of the kids including my dad have looked at her as a sister.

To add to that, I realized the man I called grandpa was not actually the father of either of my parents although he was married to my grandma.

As a kid, that was a lot to process. It was when I realized I had just lumped a bunch of people I loved into a general group called 'family' without actually placing them in any kind of logical hierarchy.

Fast forward a couple of years when my mom's sister moved to Massachusetts where I lived, and we finally got to meet her husband. For the first couple of months he would refer to us as 'Vanessa's nieces,' which thoroughly confused me. I knew he wasn't blood related to me, but I never really cared to make the distinction. My mom, on the other hand, had always referred to my cousins on my dads side as 'my nieces.'

My grandpa had also gotten remarried to an incredible woman who I met for the first time at fifteen. Although I hadn't grown up calling her grandma, I realized when I met her that she deserved to be loved and admired by our family for all that she had done for my grandpa, and for her kind spirit. So I decided to make the effort to call her grandma, and although it was weird at first it eventually stuck.

I've realized throughout the years that I have trouble limiting family to actual genetics, and I don't particularly want to. Sometimes people cross the line of friendship and become so close to your heart that they then become part of your family. I've seen it happen even within my own friends. Occasionally my mom will ask about one of my friends that she hasn't seen in a while because she knows they are like a sister to me and even she misses them.

Those are the friendships I like to make: non-superficial, substantial, and long-lasting. Friendships I know I'll have for the rest of my life because they've become like family and they have seen all sides of me and continue to love me just the same. Any other kind of friendships just aren't worth holding onto.

I've come to realize I love my little family, the actual blood-related part of it and the people who snuck their way in. To add to that, I hope it continues to grow. I welcome the thought of meeting new people with diverse backgrounds who are compassionate and kind and bring light to new areas of my life. Until then, I've got a pretty solid group of people who have my back.