Everyone in their lifetime will either find or think they found the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with. It starts with that burning feeling of passion in your stomach, the want to be around them all the time, the thought of loosing them drives you crazy. You spend countless nights wondering if this is the feeling of love. They seem sweet at first, "Oh, they are just overprotective and caring." But then, things seem to make you feel like your crazy, that you are in the wrong, or that you are somehow unworthy of their love. We, as a society often think that abusive behavior is simpler to identify than it truly is. We think that abusive behavior is purely physical and obvious to identify. We imagine these monsters or beasts that torment us from the beginning. Unfortunately most of the time, that is far from the true case. Abuse includes mental, physical, sexual, and verbal actions. One important first step in avoiding abusive behavior and relationships is identifying red flags from the beginning. Here is a list of important red flags to identify as soon as they start.

1. Acts like you don't have the ability to make good decisions

At first, it may seem like he just wants you to make the right decisions and to be successful. This is the beginning signs of someone becoming controlling. Soon, they may isolate you, not let you hang with friends, or go to work. Unfortunately, you may begin to actually believe that you can't make the right decisions which allows him to control you further and as much as he pleases.

2. Monitors your phone

If he begins to constantly ask to see your phone, he is beginning to control your life. He may become anxious or violent when you refuse to give him your phone. Not giving him your phone is your right and you shouldn't have to bow down to his every request.

3. Makes it difficult for you to go to school or work

He may begin to be worried if you are actually going to work or school. In worse cases, he may tell you that he can "support" you and that you don't need to go to work or school. This is the beginning of isolation most abusers do to their intimate partners.

4. Puts down everyone you know

He may say that your friends are stupid, promiscuous, or accuses you of cheating with them. He may say your family is too controlling, they don't know what is best for you, they don't really love you, or that you are too dependent on them.

5. You are at fault for everything that goes wrong in the relationship

Even if he is clearly the one who did something wrong, somehow he tends to point the finger at you. If he cheats, he may say it is because you don't make him happy enough. If he hits you, he may say it was because you mad him angry. It is a sad vicious cycle that will continue in an abusive relationship.

6. Wants to be with you constantly

It seems like he can't stand the fact of you leaving, going on a trip, or being away from him at all. He may become unreasonably mad or uncontrollably upset when you mention having to go to work, school, or anywhere.

7. Sees everyone in your life as competition

He doesn't want you to hang out with your friends because he believes that they are trying to take you away from him. You may begin to feel wrong for hanging out with other friends besides him. This is a part of an abuser trying to completely isolate you.

8. Abusive in past relationships

You may hear the that the person you are with was abusive to someone else or their ex. They may deny it and say that it was a lie, their ex or the person was crazy, or that it wasn't that bad. He may also say that you are the first person he has ever treated like this and that it is your fault.

9. Breaking or striking objects

He may break your cherished possessions, beat on tables, use breaking things as punishment, throws objects around you, or near you. At This could be the first steps of an abuser becoming physically abusive.

10. Sudden mood changes

He may seem like he has two personalities. He could go from super sweet to super scary in a matter of seconds.

11. Any type of force or control during sex

He may have little to no concern whether or not you want to have sex. He may always consist of doing what he wants to do and having control. He may get mad at you for not being in the mood or wanting to stop. He may also use sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance.

If you or a friend are experiencing a relationship like this that fits the criteria listed, please immediately get help or end the relationship. most of the time, the abusive continues and gets worse and worse the longer the relationship last. The leading cause of death in women is domestic homicide. If the abuse goes on for too long, it can be too late. Don't hesitate to get family or friends involved, see a counselor, or call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (1800) 787-3224