I think the fact that I’ve watched every season of Grey’s Anatomy at least three times probably contributes to my overuse of the phrase PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) when describing almost every unpleasant event I experience. In the case of PanHellenic recruitment, though, it most certainly is not an exaggeration. Whether you’re going through recruitment as a PNM or on the other side as an initiated member of a chapter, the process, to put it simply, sucks.
But the harsh reality is that this week-long torture is something everyone must endure in order to obtain full srat queen status. So, instead of whining about it, which I’ve been doing 24/7 since recruitment started, I decided to focus on the much-anticipated promised land awaiting us after bid day–here are the ten steps to a healthy recruitment recovery.
1. Go get a pedicure.
I know you probably just had your nails and toes done right before recruitment, but, seriously, walking around in heels for twelve hours straight is not natural. That aching pain and seemingly permanent numbness in your pinky toes is nothing a nice foot massage couldn’t fix.
2. Reward your abused vocal chords with some ice-cold froyo.
D’Lites, Yogurtology, and Mochi are practically going bankrupt patiently waiting for all the basic white girls to come out of hiding after this long week.
3. Take a nap.
A long, long, really long nap. Maybe like 24 hours. In a bed, not on the floor of whatever room you’ve been trapped in during the breaks between parties. You deserve it, girl.
4. Cut yourself off from humanity for a day.
No more talking about where you’re living, what you did over the summer, and why you’re so interested in getting involved in absolutely everything around campus. Just lock yourself in your room. You don’t even have to smile and the only eye contact you have to maintain is with Chuck Bass through your computer screen.
5. Take time to appreciate the little things.
Like the ability to carry your own bag. Having ten strangers in a row offer to tote your bag around for you is pretty weird and definitely unheard of in normal day to day life - plus being the one carrying the random bags isn’t much fun either. Honestly, I know it’s a long day, but did you actually manage to fit your entire makeup/toiletry collection and two changes of clothes into this mini Longchamp? Because it sure feels like it.
6. Ban yourself from Facebook stalking.
It’s somewhat acceptable to lurk on another girl’s page when “you’ve totally just found your rush crush/future little oh my god”, but after rush it’s creepy and obsessive.
7. Don’t put on makeup during daylight hours for at least a week.
Your poor skin has gone from being free and perfectly sun kissed all summer to being suffocated with pounds of foundation every day from 6 a.m. to long past 6 p.m. Save yourself the time, effort, and extra money spent on every skincare item Target offers.
8. Call your mom.
Or dad, or grandma, or best friend, or boyfriend, or whoever you were ignoring all week because you literally didn’t have the energy to even attempt a conversation with any human being besides the ten or fifteen girls you were desperately trying to impress that day.
9. Wherever you’ve ended up, make sure you realize the full extent of how freaking amazing your chapter is.
New members, get pumped to meet your awesome pledge class and future big, and older members, think back to why you chose to be a part of this house in the first place. Recruitment week may have been hell, but these are the people who got you through it (and who like all your Instagram posts even when you can’t think of a witty caption), so just show some love, okay?
10. GO OUT.
Let loose, pop open a bottle of cheap champagne, and celebrate! The end of the hardest week of the year–yes, boys, the struggle of PanHellenic recruitment outranks even finals week–is finally over. Show off all the hot new babies and party hard enough to forget the feeling of complete agony caused by dry rush. I believe in you.
After these ten steps… well, there’s a good chance you’ll still be scarred for life, but I’d like to think this will hold you over until actual therapy sessions are necessary. Recruitment 2015: R.I.P my sweet un-blistered feet, my ability to enjoy small talk, and my sanity: gone but never forgotten.
