Throughout my life, it seems as though it's been super easy for people to just walk out and leave me hanging to find closure for myself. The heartache never got easier after each one. I did everything in my power to keep these people happy, so when they left, they left me with a big question mark.

I get attached to people very fast. Once I'm attached I do everything in my power to please them and keep them happy. It's never been about what I want, it was always everyone else's needs before my own. I give out an endless amount of chances to people, that quite frankly, do not deserve them. I'm taken advantage of. But, I was always okay with it because as long as they were in my life that's all I cared about. Even if they screwed me over, I would still be there for them. Once I get attached to someone, they will always have a place in my heart. And that is why it's so hard for me to let them go. But it's my own fault. It's who I am.

I've lied to my parents so that I could go do something with a friend that I knew could get me in some trouble. I've spent hundreds of dollars over a period of time for someone that made sure every time we grabbed food they said, "I'm not paying for yours." I still paid for her when she needed me to. I've driven miles and miles for someone that found it an inconvenience to do the same for me. I've given birthday presents to friends that have never acknowledged my special day. I do things I don't want to do because it was more important to see my friends happy than satisfy my own wants. I've compromised more in 18 years than anyone should have to in a lifetime.

I value friendships more than anything. Friends have been there for me during some pretty rough patches in my life. In return, I've always tried to make sure they know how much they mean to me. I made sure everything I did was bound to make them happy because I didn't want to lose them. But one day all that changed.

I realized that a friend shouldn't need to be rewarded for being a good friend. It's their job as a friend to be supportive. It wasn't my job to be a pushover. I realized that they weren't my friends all along. They were just vultures.

After the last walk out of a friend that I would have died for, my thought process took a sharp turn from people pleaser to self-love.

I was always going to let somebody down, but I decided it wouldn't be me anymore. I no longer say yes to everything. I stopped agreeing with people just so I wouldn't upset them. I throw in my two cents of where I would like to go now. I voice my opinion on what I like and dislike. I reciprocate what I'm given.

I was a pushover to people for way too long. I was used by people for my money and kindness that only left me crying on my bedroom floor at three in the morning wondering what the heck I could have done better. I tore myself apart trying to please others, a mistake I will never allow myself to make again.

Losing people that I would have crossed oceans for that walked out of my life like it was nothing turned my heart slightly cold. I've stopped giving a damn about other people's feelings and started being more concerned about Skylar's feelings. If you don't care then why should I. I cared for both of us once. Never again.

So now I live my life as a recovering people pleaser.