Oftentimes, after the dissolution of a serious relationship, the individual on the receiving end of a breakup embarks upon a trajectory which is abrasive, yet not uncommon. Keeping your head above water in day-to-day activities suddenly becomes a challenge, and your physical and mental energy is sapped by the constant pings of reminiscent emotion flashing in your memory. One can easily become scatterbrained, ravenously searching for where they went wrong, when, and how the relationship might have been salvaged. It is truly exhausting. Translating sadness into willful anger or complacency can be a temporary crutch to get through, as to not trigger a painful reminder that you are now on your own-or so you may think. You may feel so bummed that it surprises you to know many people have overcome their own experience with heartache.
I think one of the first thought-processes to attend to is the romanticizing of the relationship. That is, ignoring what was unhappy or frustrating about your time together, whilst remembering the gift-giving and laughter, as if you were in constant euphoria. Further, an idyllic perception of one’s ex-partner adds fuel to the fire. Instead, consider which needs weren’t being met on your end in the relationship and keep telling yourself you are worthy. Being broken-up with is not a reflection of your value, rather, a difference in needs and wants for the individual. Trying to change yourself to fit that mold, or change that person’s perception of you, is futile and a loss of time and energy, as real change is gradual and core personalities are relatively stable throughout a person’s life.
There is a crude expression for the next point of focus in this article: “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” While it is true that meeting new people can push the healing process along more quickly, rushing into the arms of someone you just met is not going to allow you the time and space you need to reboot emotionally. Sometimes, we seek out someone who bears a physical resemblance, or similar personality characteristics to an ex. This is pursuance based on a surface likeness, and will likely be unfruitful since no two people are alike and you will be settling with what seems like a second-rate carbon copy. You may even inadvertently treat them that way. Thus, focus on reacquainting yourself with you, until you can spontaneously show interest in someone based on their own unique qualities.
When recovering from the trauma of love lost, be understanding to yourself; give yourself time alone for soul-searching and be your own bestfriend. Avoid the pattern in which many sufferers in this situation repeat their pain. Doing the hard work now can save you years reliving painful insecurities in future relationships or hookup situations. A few tools to help you through:
Self-encouragement: look at your reflection and give yourself compliments, daily. At first, you might feel embarrassed, but after a few minutes each day you will note a boost in your self-confidence.
Try something new: use your energy on learning a new skill, or having unique experiences. Self-nurturement signals a new beginning and endless possibilities for your future.
Meditation: yoga, tai chi and quiet mindfulness are among the many useful practices for disrupting intrusive, negative thoughts.
