Recently, Noah Galvin, a white, cis, gay man, made headlines when he argued that all queer people had an obligation to come out. He even went so far as to call Colton Haynes, a gay actor who not long ago came out, a p***y and a f****t for not coming out sooner.

This attitude is extremely problematic for a couple of obvious reasons. Queer people don't owe visibility to anyone, even other queer people. A queer person does not have an obligation to come out. If they do decide to come out, they can do it on their own terms.

While many in the community were quick to condemn Noah Galvin, I find that a more subtle version of this attitude is pervasive in the queer community. A lot of times, "the closet" is portrayed as an inherently repressive place. Queer celebrities for instance, often urge younger queer people to "come out and live their truth."

I think this attitude is certainly well intended but it is extremely problematic. While the closet may well be repressive for some queer people, it isn't repressive for everyone. Many queer people choose not to reveal their queerness and are perfectly comfortable with that.

I also think the attitude that queer people will be happier once they come out is an extremely privileged attitude to have. Oftentimes, coming out can result in more harm than good. This is especially true for much queer youth who may be dependent on financial support from transphobic or homophobic parents. In fact, around 40 percent of the homeless youth in the U.S. are queer. So when white, cis, queer celebrities talk about why every queer person should come out, they're not properly examining how their privilege impacts their worldview.

Indeed, saying that all queer people should come out are incredibly homo-normative. Homo-normativity can be a pretty dense concept, but simply put, it is policing things like gender, sexuality and race within queerness. It means a system of rules that determines how queer people are supposed to act.

This article, by Jayson Flores, does a pretty good job simplifying the concept of homo-normativity. In it, he writes:

"To put it in simplest terms, homo-normativity is saying you’re not like most gay men. Homo-normativity is dismissing black men in the club because, while you respect black people, you’re 'just not attracted' to them. Homo-normativity is thinking differently about someone you love on Twitter when you see they use a wheelchair IRL. Homo-normativity is gay white men dominating queer TV representation and white cis men playing trans women. Homo-normativity is the nation organizing for gay marriage, but not for trans lives. Homo-normativity is a privileging set of hierarchies, social norms, and expectations that cause the oppressed to oppress one another."

The norms homo-normativity establishes and reproduces are heavily influenced by things like white supremacy, patriarchy, cis-normativity, and heteronormativity. Because of this, white, cis, able-bodied, heteronormative, gay men are deemed to be the most acceptable queer people. It assumed that these gay men are the only group of queer people that matter.

Getting back to coming out narratives, saying all queer people should come out is very homo-normative. This is because it says that the norms set by the most privileged members of the queer community should be followed by everyone else.

Ultimately, coming out should be a personal decision. Telling queer people they should come out is trying to control their narrative. And doing that will just continue the marginalization of the queer community as a whole.