I suppose you could say that I am pretty old-fashioned, which isn’t exactly looked at as a respected thing anymore, but there really isn’t anything wrong with it. There was one particular time when I was trying to explain to someone why I would never consider living with someone who I was not married to. He responded with a scoff and said, “I don’t know why anyone would marry someone who they haven’t even shared a bathroom with yet.”
Before I begin to explain the reasons for my decision, this is in no way an attack on someone else’s personal life decision that is different than mine. What I like to call “playing house” has become a common fad in today’s society, so I assume that this article might ruffle some feathers and I am prepared to listen to all of the “you shouldn’t judge others!” retaliations. However, just stating that I do not agree with something and backing up why I don’t agree with it doesn’t make me a judgmental person at all. Honestly, I have chalked it all up that if society has a problem with me stating my personal morals and standards that I have set for myself (in a non-threatening manner), it is not me that is the problem, it is society.
People can think of all kinds of reasons that would justify why everyone should live with their significant other before they marry them, and those reasons usually boil down to practicality. For myself, my reasons on why I should not live with my significant other before I marry, tie back to my Christian faith. Here are those reasons:
There is no commitment or security.
Ever heard the saying, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?” Most people have this idea that moving in and sleeping with their significant other is “taking the next step” of their relationship, but for me, it would be a step backwards. Living with someone as if you were married and relishing in all of the benefits that a married couple has, gives no one any incentive to actually get married. You would be getting the milk for free. There is an absence of a strong bond, because no vow has been made. There is the mindset of “I can leave any time.” The longer that unmarried couples live together, the less need they see to make their relationship officially recognized by God. Did you know that 60 percent of unmarried couples that live together never actually marry because 39 percent of them break up, or because 12 percent of them just keep living together as if it is their new permanence? I mean, have you ever watched “Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels?”
It sets a negative example for future kids.
In the midst of living together if kids happen to come along, this type of living situation would set a negative example for them. It would be setting the precedence for them that marriage would have no real spiritual and emotional meaning. It would teach a daughter that it is okay to be with a man that does not love and respect her enough to marry her and give her the commitment that she deserves. It would teach her that a man who wants nothing more than to live/sleep with her is enough to settle for. It is also teaching the son that he does not need to commit to a woman to give her that sense of security. It teaches him that it is acceptable to make woman a mother, but never making her his wife. (Just a side note, I don’t want anyone to think that I am putting down people that have had unplanned children out of wedlock. Of course mistakes happen and children are born out of wedlock because of it, but when it comes to actually planning for children, I think that waiting until marriage is one of those traditions that should never be broken.)
It does not guarantee a successful marriage.
Many people don’t know this, but there are absolutely no statistics that support a correlation that living with a partner before marriage decreases the likelihood of divorce in the future. In fact, it is the exact opposite. Did you know that couples that live together before marriage have a divorce rate that is 50 percent higher than those that don’t? Not to mention, marriage is not about finding someone that you can live with, but it is about finding someone that you cannot live without. Too many people believe that they need to have a trial run with their significant other before officially saying, “I do,” but they don’t, because that is not what marriage is about. There will always be quirks about someone that makes them hell to live with, simply because nobody is perfect. However, we choose to marry them because we love them despite those quirks, not because they are a compatible roommate for us. You don’t have to learn how to live with someone before you marry them, you learn how to live with someone because you are married to them. Point blank and period.
This is the most important reason that is the center of all the other reasons why I will never have a live-in boyfriend. It all boils down to my heart for God. Now I am aware that not everyone is a Christian, but this is article is about what I think of this practice, so I have no problems using my Christian faith to back it up. (Everyone else is welcome to their own perspectives, whether they are a Christian or not.) I am also aware that there is nowhere in scripture that explicitly says that an unmarried couple should never cohabitate. However, I’ve gone to church long enough to learn that when we put ourselves that situation, we are setting ourselves up for sin (obviously), because no one is immune to temptation.
I am not claiming to be some religious or a relationship expert, nor am I trying to come across as self-righteous; but I can say that I do know that the Lord is the glue that holds a marriage together. Two people that have intimate relationships with the Lord are bound to have a much more successful marriage than two people shacking up. As a Christian, I completely surrender myself to God and seek for His guidance, because He would never steer me wrong. So, I am not convinced that He would call me and my partner to do something that is ungodly and unbiblical to prove that we were meant for each other. If I ever do feel the need to do something that God would see as unholy to figure out if the person that I am with is “the One,” chances are he probably isn’t.
