A bunch of years ago (too many to count honestly), a really weird yet awesome movie came out based on the TV show Jimmy Neutron. If you haven’t seen it, the story follows young Jimmy as he accidentally summons parent-kidnapping aliens to earth. Long story short, with the parents gone, it’s a party every day complete with no bedtimes, ice cream and roller coaster rides. But until the third day, the kids wake up with stomachaches, “boo boos” and separation anxiety.
My friends, welcome to college. Just like being a child without constant attention from your mom, college is our trial before adulthood. Let the tantrums ensue. Here's why being in college is exactly like being three again.
Kids movies are the sh*t.
See that nice cuss word in my sub-headline, so I could assert my maturity while talking about kids movies rocking? Exactly. But actually, the number of kids movies I watch over and over is problematic. I will go to a kid’s movie in theaters way before an academy award nominated drama film. The only movie I know for sure that won an award last year was Inside Out. Granted it was the only one I saw, but still…
Have you seen what we eat?
If I get something green on my plate in a day, that’s a job well done. Granted that green is most likely frosting but who’s checking. Honestly though, it's not our fault. Who could ever eat right when every day is a flurry of ice cream and fried potato things and cookies and pasta (and not the healthy kind, just plain buttered pasta).
Alcohol consumption is just like stepping back to 1998.
Don’t believe me? A drunk college student is basically the equivalent of a two-year-old in an aquarium, who was just allowed to eat an ice cream cone. We run around, everything is fascinating, we are told not to touch things and perhaps most embarrassingly, we have to be told repeatedly to please not interact with random strangers. They don’t want you in their face. Caring for a drunken college student is just like baby sitting—hope you’re licensed.
That beautiful thing called a nap.
Okay, but why did I ever stop taking these. Life is exhausting. Eating all that junk food takes a lot out of you and no bedtime makes getting that eight hours just a tad difficult. Naps are not a choice these days. They are needed, unless you want a cranky college child running around complaining about homework and hopped up on caffeine.
We need help dressing ourselves.
If I had a dollar for every time my roommate has left the house in heels and a dress on a 30 degree snowy day, only to walk out and find half of campus in shorts and moccasins claiming “I’m not cold,” I might be able to actually afford college. Remind you of that kid who forgot their coat for recess? Yeah, me too.
Mom and dad are on speed dial.
At the end of the day, as much as we like to talk a big game about being grown ups, eating and surviving on our own, know that the second someone hands you a W-4, with all those words and all those numbers that you’ll get dad on the phone real quick to translate. And let's not forget the over the phone tantrums and the “I don’t want to go to class” texts. You’re an adult sure… but you’re not fooling the parents
As mature as we like to act, as much as we’ve got car keys in our hands, at least a little money in the bank and a goal for the future (or the one we tell the relatives to keep them off our backs), we’ve had a glimpsed of adulthood and it doesn’t look like all it's cracked up to be. So for the remainder of this trial period, I will be happily embracing my three-year-old status because come graduation, life’s about to smack us in the face.
