I know we've been through a lot. Well, a lot of time at least. So many months of no contact. So many nights of arguments. So many years of memories, good and bad. I really tried to get myself to realize that the last time was actually the last time. But for some reason, I still thought you would be here.

I thought you would be here on my birthday. I don't know why though because the past three years you never even called. I thought you would be here on my first day at my new job, waiting for me to call you and tell you about it. Sometimes, very rarely though, you would actually be interested in what I had to say. I really thought that would have been one of those times.

I thought that you'd be here when I needed you or wanted you, at least by now anyway.

Call me crazy but I was expecting you to have changed by now. As years go by, usually people evolve and mature. I guess you are the exception though. I know I can't sit here and beg you to be different because then you wouldn't be, well, you. But, I can say that I wish you cared, I wish you loved me and I wish you were here.

I know the day is going to come where you finally figured life out, finally figured yourself out. I know you are going to fall in love with someone beautiful and give them everything you were never able, or never wanted, to give me. It's going to kill me, even years from now, to know that you changed for someone that wasn't me.

I really thought that you'd be here, at least by now. Maybe somewhere inside of me I knew you never would be, but that didn't keep me from hoping. I really thought you'd be here by now and I am really sorry that you are not.