A lot of times when people hear that you have a roommate, they think, "Oh! You two must be best friends then!" But...it doesn't always work that way. Just because you live together, doesn't mean you get along. Sometimes, you just cohabitate. It's all about the boundaries.
Here's what it's REALLY like to have a bad roommate.
Well...it's lonely. Sometimes, you start out on the wrong foot. Although if you're like me, you were friends first. And I really believe that that's even more difficult. Unfortunately both of my roommates have started in friendships and ended in turmoil.
Sometimes I miss them, but I really just miss the person that I thought they were. You know the saying "everything happens for a reason"? That's what I try to remember in those lonely times. I try to assure myself that the friendship that ended much quicker than I had ever thought, really was a blessing in disguise.
Maybe they would have flaw in the future, a heart break, or in this case, maybe they're just a dodged bullet. Either way, having a roommate that you're not friends with, no matter what the reason...well...it sucks.
It's a lot of hurt feelings. In the heat of an argument, sometimes you say exactly what you shouldn't. I'm pretty honest (too honest) about my opinions, and I have a tendency to just say exactly what I'm thinking. I'm not anything if I'm not honest. But that doesn't always make it right. Too wrongs don't make a right, and in this case, you can't fight fire with fire. Sometimes you just have to say "what a shame" and move on.
Having an unfriendly roomie can be a mess. It's a lot of loud music when you're trying to nap. It's a lot of lights flicking on and the door slamming in the middle of the night. It's awkward stares from people who you thought were your friends. It's a lot of trashed pictures, awkward memories, and really weird encounters in public. It's putting in headphones just to avoid them. It's about having your own territory.
So what's the answer to having a crappy roomie? For one, you could move rooms, move out, or even try talking it out. If you've tried talking it out and a mediator just made it worse; you're in my shoes. The current answer is cohabitation. I do my thing, she does her's. It's quiet when they're around, but it's like having a room to yourself honestly. Sometimes you just have to make the best of a bad situation. And sometimes...you just have to be an adult about it, even if you're the only one acting like a grown-up.
Sometimes, it's hard to be an adult. It's soooo much easier sometimes to cop an attitude and fight back. But Momma always said, "Kill them with kindness. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all." That's so hard to do honestly. Sometimes I have to LITERALLY bite my tongue. But in the end, it's worth it knowing you took the high road. Stooping down to their level would be worse than arguing.
There are always going to be people that you disagree with. Whether it be at work, school, friends, parents, or worst of all...the person you live with. But, take it in stride. Roommates don't last forever. Learning to deal with the negative in your life helps you grow as a person. Not only that, but it makes you appreciate the friends you DO have. It makes you appreciate a home away from dorm-life. So, if you have a bad roommate, and you're in the same boat...just breathe. Know you're the bigger person, wish them the best, and just smile. Because you can do it. Besides, you already accomplished one thing! You're not them!
-A
