The 31st of August 2016. I'll enter the gates of one of the most prestigious and intellectual communities on Earth: Brown University. From then on, like an irreversible chemical reaction, things will change -- ethereally.
Less than a week before I head off to the United States, maybe I've caught some homesickness whilst at home, maybe I've been overthinking. I can't comprehend it, but the feeling is similar to that of displacement.
It occurs to me that while college is a fresh start, I'm intimidated. Intimidated by how I'll be held completely responsible for the friends I keep, the deeds I do, the values I uphold and the decisions I make. As a newly crowned adult, entering a foreign land makes me both anxious and excited. I feel the burden of those back home whose minds bubble with a whole pot of expectations for me. They expect nothing less than perfection, nothing less than cinematic success, nothing less than the potential they see in me. But is that expectation slightly misplaced? Is it slightly hyperbolic? I guess maybe in my perspective, yes, but in theirs? You never know.
Finally getting to architect my future, I feel a bit crazy why I signed up for the job knowing fully well I am under-qualified. I'm moving away from the safety net of my hometown where I knew people and people knew me. Things weren't taken as seriously as they should've been. It was an easy life. Mistakes were neutralized and easily forgiven and accomplishments advertised and hung around your neck like laurels. It was an easy life. Somewhere in my crazy head, I wish it wouldn't have been. The overfamiliarity of being in my hometown made me too comfortable to realize it just isn't so when you start a new chapter of your life, thousand miles away from it.
I am still amazed at how I'll get to make friends across multiple cultures because, surprisingly, I haven't had bonding experiences with many and have mainly had friends in the container of my home culture. I hope the culture shock that comes with it isn't too harsh. Hopefully some western cinema has equipped me to face it and not be shocked by it. Hopefully.
While I hated the monotone of homemade food, maybe I'll miss it because I don't expect to find authentic Indian in the States anytime soon. Maybe that hatred of monotony will soon shift and disperse and maybe I'll start loving home food. I chuckle to myself. They do say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
I'm eagerly awaiting college to find out if I can put off the freshman 15. I loathe this branding of a freshman phenomena. It's dreadful. I don't want those extra pounds in weight. Offer me those in currency and I'll be satisfied but, no -- not in weight. It'll be a whole big mess if it happens and my clothes don't fit me anymore which gets me shopping. And I wonder -- should I expend my time and money for it? I certainly don't want to if the reason is the freshman phenomenon.
Classes. I'm afraid. At this junction, there are overwhelming options and only so many you can choose. Should I choose the easier classes or the difficult yet interesting ones? Should I be focused and streamlined based on my tentative concentration or should I experiment and have a little fun? I'll assure you my parents want me to do the former while my friends suggest the latter. Maybe I'll do a mix of both? But yet, I wonder. How will the professors be? Will I have to beat myself up emotionally if I get any less than I've been getting in high school. Because let's admit it, it will happen. Partly because high school was a cake walk compared to college. Partly because the teaching styles may differ vastly across two continents.
Most of it is scary! Embracing college is confusing. And I sincerely hope that I don't lose my aspirations, ambition and ammunition of hope and dreams along the way. I hope I change, but for the better. I hope I make choices, that make my dreams closer. I hope I make friends, that broaden my personality and outlook on life. I hope college is less intimidating and more fun than I hope it to be. You might think I'm a very hopeful person right now, perhaps obsessively. But I do know one thing, it is hope that keeps us tethered to our dreams and relinquishes us in hard times. So maybe, I'll try not to lose it on the way. Hopefully.
