I can speak two languages. English, and fluent sarcasm.Sarcasm gets me through the day and none of my friends really know when I’m being serious or when I’m just being a plain old sarcastic a**hole. I mean, we’re talking an “I-Should-Major-In-Sarcasm” level here. Although, I’m not alone.

There are many sarcastic people just like myself. I may be a little higher on the scale than the average bear, but who knows the realities of sarcasm better than Spongebob?

1. Always feeling invincible.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? I can’t describe to you the amount of times I have done something dumb right after I see a horrid look on my friends face. They say, “You won’t do it,” and I do it. We aren’t invincible, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to act like it. In reality, I’ve done some really dumb things and probably almost died at least ten times. I’m okay, though. Don’t test me.

2. Your friends have to be extra careful about their wording.

You will find any and every chance you can to take their words and use them to the most legit extent. If your friend means one thing, you’ll take it literally, and you and your friend both know what was actually meant. But, just because you can, you just like to be a pain in their ass.

3. When you just can’t comprehend someone’s stupidity.

We’ve all been there. I find myself rudely asking people questions about how smart they’re not when I’m either driving or in line. Or driving in a line. Some people DON’T know how to drive. Or they do something stupid like forgetting to check their blind spots before they drive into your lane. Or they switch over three lanes without using a blinker because - Oh shit, their turn is RIGHT THERE. Come on, people.

4. Sometimes, you take it too far when your friends invite you out.

Personally, I get really excited. A night to go out and act crazy and have a few good laughs with my friends is always a good time - I like to right away imagine the best thing we will do and include it in my excited “Heck YES” reply. I may not really get to hear voices, but you bet your ass I’m chill with that.

5. Sometimes, us sarcass-holes have a little too much confidence. Of the wrong kind.

Most of us are pretty good with feeling confident about our flaws. Yeah, I’ll brag in a sarcastic way about things I’m not good at typically, like snowboarding. Not good at it but hey, I can act stoked about it if I want. When it comes to my looks, I may not have it all, but whatever I have I’ll sure embrace.

6. People that are sarcastic typically over-exaggerate the funniest things.

And by exaggerating, I mean we can often take it too far. In my mind it’s just an opportunity, but in someone else’s mind, it’s just not cool. Whatever. Have your lame sense of humor and be content with your boring old life. Mine’s gonna be hella lit, though.

7. Sarcastic people have to be good at predicting.

We will never know when we get another chance to use our sarcasm, and to what extreme. So often, I find myself in positions where I can’t really use my sarcasm, so I’m always prepared for those kinds of situations.

8. When we have to sugar coat things, but we aren’t good at it.

This happens to me all the time. “Does this sweater make me look fat?” YES JESSICA. THAT SWEATER MAKES YOU LOOK FAT AF. “No, but try something else on instead.” We can’t do that. So, yeah, that sweater?

Or maybe you just can’t understand their tone very well. This, too, happens to me way too much. Someone yells something from another room and like ??? sorry I can’t hear you, maybe try communicating better?

10. Making fun of people isn’t mean, it’s just realistic.

Especially when we are making fun of how jerky and shitty they are acting. We don't typically make fun of nice people, we make fun of the ones who deserve it.

11. We have to always have a list of random facts in mind.

You never know when they’re going to come in handy. Dogs shouldn’t eat grapes. Ticks are actually spiders. Pineapples don’t grow on trees.