Hey friends,

I don’t know where all you’re coming from, but I guess you’ve all read some happy, healthy welcome letter at some point. You probably have your head full of tips on how to manage your courses, earnest pleadings to join or not join Greek life, advice on making friends, etcetera.

This ain’t that kind of letter.

Fact is, college is, like any other place you’ve been, imperfect.

Despite what you might hear from nostalgic middle-aged folk, there is no guarantee that college will be the best four years of your life. My college experience is, so far, about as good and about as bad as any other part of my life. I’m not walking on coals, but I’m not in the promised land, and that’s okay.

Having a glowing unicorns and stardust experience does not make you unusual. Not having a glowing unicorns and stardust experience does not make you unusual either. Different people have different experiences and that’s perfectly okay.

On classes:

Science/quant/programming classes tend to get intense and can be overwhelming. Liberal arts courses tend to be understimulating, but thinky. Find a good balance of brain jazz. You can go all one way, you can mix things up, go off the deep end, try something new, take it easy--whatever works for you.

Basically, get a degree in something that interests you without dying in the process. This does not have to be the degree you set out to get from day one. Look hard at the first sentence in this paragraph. The “get a degree” is conditional. “[S]omething that interests you” and “without dying in the process” are important. Change your course if you need to. Accept help. Take a semester off, if need be.

On friends:

On the one hand, colleges are big places; there is probably someone interesting. On the other hand, colleges are big places; it's entirely possible that you never run into them.

You are not confined to one friend or group of friends. You're allowed to hop around to get your fix. In fact, I would encourage it.

For example, I have a great bunch of friends. However, most of them aren't board game people. I love board games. So I sought out people to play board games with. My friends are still my friends; now there's another pod that I play games with.

Friendship, as I'm learning, is not passive; it's active.

Therefore…

On your comfort zone:

It gets flexible.

This does not mean surrender your beliefs, interests, etcetera. It's more like “This place is crowded; I cannot move out of this doorway,” “I get no alone time,” or “I am actually 438 miles from the physical space I go to for comfort.”

This is survivable. I’ve had wonderful conversations stuck in a door frame. There are ways to get alone time, if you know where to look.

There's nothing you can do about physical distance. You're in a new place with new people. You aren't going to rupture spacetime and suddenly gain the ability to pass to and fro.

This, too, is survivable. If you read parts one and two carefully, especially with part three in mind, it probably won't matter too much. Is homesickness still a thing? Yes. Telephones are also a thing. If it turns out that your school is too far away for your tastes, transferring is a legitimate option.

No matter how close or far, these are different situations with different people. You will be stretched.

I know I sound like Mr. Gloom-and-doom. I'm not, though. I had realistic expectations for college. The College of Wooster had lived up to these expectations; sometimes it even exceeds them.

No, this letter is not a perfect formula. As I said, different people have different experiences. I came out of the crowded door frame with a good conversation. Another person might have panicked. Still another person might have just barged through the crowd.

College differs school to school, person to person. Don't take one person’s experiences and set them as your expectations. You're you. Expect a probable reality. Even then you'll get thrown for a loop.

It might get bad, it might get beautiful. However it goes, you’ll live.

Best wishes,