Let’s be honest, New Year’s Resolutions are hard. Like really hard. You wanna lose weight and cut back on stress and manage your work life and personal relationships better, but sometimes you just don’t have the time. Sometimes, life is stressful. You’re being forced to work on vacation, or your class schedule next semester is absolutely bonkers, or you haven’t seen a gym in weeks (or months), and managing serious self-improvement is daunting. So for those of us that have to set the bar a little lower, I have a handy list of manageable resolutions you can try out in the new year:
1. Dressing for success
… by wearing the GOOD sweatpants to class. Make the move upward from your flannel pj’s and dad shirt and show the world the new you.
2. Working light exercise into your daily routine
For example, getting out of bed to get chips. Like Doritos. Or nachos. Or tacos. Just order tacos. Lots of them.
3. Working on strengthening your relationship (if coupled)
Show your partner that you care. Hold in that fart that you know will wake them up in a moment of suffocating horror and chase them from the bed. Don’t wear the scary beige underwear on date night. Stay awake through the entirety of that awful Nicholas Sparks movie they wanted to see, or if you do pass out, try not to snore. Microwave them a romantic dinner instead of burning something trying to cook for real. By bringing the spark of new romance into your relationship, you’ll strengthen that bond you have and find yourselves falling in love all over again.
4. Starting healthy dating habits (if single)
Be selective about which ex you drunk text. For example, Commitment-Phobe That Sometimes Wears Suits is a way better option than Man-Bun Couch-Bed Guy. A healthy dating life is all about knowing what you want, and what you want is definitely a text back, like why is that so hard? And don’t listen to that friend who tells you not to jump into things too quickly either. No one knows what you need better than yourself. And you need a text back, okay?
5. Drinking green tea all the time
Staying hydrated is important, and we all know that green tea is chock full of antioxidants. But did you know that it can also theoretically solve all of your problems? It’s true! Go ahead, try it! Just drink tons of it, all the time! Develop kidney stones from excessive tea consumption. Your skin will be like, SO CLEAR. If you do develop stones and can’t drink green tea for a while, slather yourself in coconut oil as a substitute. That does the same thing, right?
6. Joining a gym
Sure, they have exercise equipment, which I guess is useful… but they also sometimes have massage chairs.
7. Going vegan (for at least a day)
And make sure to post about it on Instagram so everyone knows that you’re more devoted to bettering yourself than they are. It doesn't matter if you're digging into a plate of wings later as long as those glam shots of your acai bowl are all up in peoples' news feeds.
Remember, guys, the new year is a great chance to perfect the new you. But sometimes, an entire new you is a pretty tough goal to reach for. So, better just put on some slightly nicer comfy pants, post a couple different photos of that one healthy meal you made this week, and maybe fit a few lunges in on your walk from the couch to the fridge.
