I believe in telling the truth. About yourself, about others, about the failures and the victories alike. Here's my truth. This is how my mind works against me during a depressive episode and an anxiety attack. These are real thoughts. I wrote them down during those times so that, when I was whole again, I could share them with you. I wanted to be brave enough to be honest about my own struggles, so maybe you could feel encouraged in yours. Always remember that you are stronger than you realize and you are loved...

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My chest feels funny

why

why does my chest feel funny

oh no oh no oh no its happening

its happening right now

I can feel it everything is

falling

apart

its all going wrong

I am not here

I am away

I can't feel myself

I feel so far

away

keep breathing just breathe no

don't let it get to you

breathe breathe breathe

I am going to lose everything

I just know it they are going to be

disappointed

in me

I am a terrible daughter

does God think

I am

a failure

am I even saved

what if I am just fooling myself and

slipping slowly away

why is that floor so dirty

I can see all the dust

if I don't clean it I am going to lose it

it has to be clean

I have to clean

I have to sort

I have to organize

I have to breathe

why do my jeans fit like this am I gaining weight

oh no is the birth control making me gain weight

I should drink more water

maybe that's it

I have so much to do

my files aren't in order

my laundry is not done

who wants someone who can't handle those basic things

I am a failure I am failing I am not in control

everything is falling apart

I am not here

I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't

pull it together Amanda pull it together

no

breathe keep breathing it will pass keep breathing...

I am not here.