"Let's get tea afterwards!"

* talking about pictures* "I look like I'm picking my nose."

"I wish I never had a period."

"That's the dream."

"The hunger for tattoo number four has begun."

"The hunger for a bae has begun, except I just mean a puppy."

" Happy New Year's, girls! Let the only thing we chase this year is our dreams. Not boys or drinks."

"I know myself too well and I will be chasing both boys and drinks."

"Did everyone pack a blackout bag?"

"Panty dropper alert"

*picture of a guy*

"He's basically exactly what you would expect from someone who wears a camouflage tuxedo."

"Anyone want to go to the gym with me and laugh at how out of shape I am?"

"Having tits is awesome."

"Sorry, I had Butter Nutters in my mouth, but HEY!"

"It's Nutter Butters."

"That explains my day in a nutshell #punintended."

"Lillian wants to come out to play."

"Who's Lillian?"

"My drunk alter ego."

"Let's get white girl wasted!"

"Dude, I had a dream I was pregnant last night too!"

"Right? I couldn't do the whole housewife thing... I'd go insane."

"I'm here to get my MRS degree."

"I feel like mother nature wants me to skip class."

"I look like a drowned rat."

"Can today not be a thing?"

"May your eyeliner wings always be even."

"I can't introduce those two, I couldn't handle that much sass in one area."

"LET'S FREAK STUFF UP!"

"Oh my... you should probably stick to wearing deodorant."

"A-freaking-men. I'm ready to get too turnt tonight."

"OMG, guys. I really like him."

"Do you like him as in you'd sit on his face or you like how his eyes sparkles when he smiles?"

"I've got to stop watching chick flicks... LOVE DOES NOT COME LIKE THAT. Real life is getting the weirdos that won't stop texting you."

"I don't even have the weirdos anymore."

"I'm a wild animal. Don't try to domesticate me. It's not in my nature."

"Holy hot ginger sitting next to me and I'm slowly melting."

"But I don't have any booze."

"Hence why you have friends!"

"What do you want to do tonight?"

"I'm feeling a female version of the hangover."

*talking about cheating* "I'd want to know if I were her. Ignorance is bliss but reality is necessary."

"Fair point, *witches be crazy"

"I'm nipping so bad today that I'm in pain."

"Ladies night tonight? I don't know. I just want to be beautiful somewhere public and tell boys to freak off."

"Well, I am officially single."

"I have chocolate, come over."

"So can anyone cut hair? I don't really want to pay ten to fifteen dollars for a trim."

*single girl* "I've finally cracked. I got on Pinterest on my study break, two hours later I'm still designing my wedding and actually got frustrated making a guest list..."

"I hate tequila but right now that sounds heavenly."

"If you're every feeling down, throwback Jesse McCartney makes it better."

"Pussycat Dolls station doesn't hurt either."

"I do not like kids. I will never be a nanny again, ever!"

"He got me cookie dough instead of actual cookies. I think this is it. He's bae for real now."