There appears to be a misconception among those who do not reside in Florida about what life in Florida is actually like. It seems to me that people see Florida as some magical land where proximity to the beach automatically has an effect on melanin. These people think that “I live where you vacation” means I am literally always on vacation, spending my days basking in the glorious sunshine with little care of responsibilities or skin cancer. Au contraire, mon ami. So here I am to set the record straight.

I go to school in South Florida and will start my third year in the fall. My parents, however, live in Seattle, WA. Every time I go home and tell people that I’ve come from Florida, I get asked one question almost without fail; “Where is your tan?” because one look at me and I am obviously either lying about having been in the Sunshine State for the last six months or I have been doing something terribly wrong. To all of these people, I write this letter.

I’m not necessarily transparent and I do, in fact, have the ability to tan. However, my northern European heritage tends to plot against me in the plight of bronze colored skin. However, there are a few other reasons for the porcelain quality of my skin that you fail to consider.

1. Have you not heard of skin cancer?! It is a real threat and I am only 20 and I really do not want to risk it. Also, the fact that you are encouraging me to partake in such risky behavior is deeply concerning. What do you have to say for yourself?
2. Maybe I don’t want to subscribe to your narrow beauty standards. Just because Coco Chanel—goddess that she is—said that tan skin is beautiful does not mean it’s for me. Perhaps I enjoy blinding people with the light that reflects from my alabaster skin.
3. Maybe I have more important things to do with my life than get all hot and sweaty laying on gorgeous sandy beaches, listening to the ocean for hours on end. Things like study for my honors classes. Or be stuck in a black box theatre at least 16 hours a week painting sets and making costumes. Or watch every episode of every incarnation of Star Trek on Netflix. Did you ever think of that?
4. Contrary to popular belief, Florida is not always sunny. The number of days that I have had the time to actually go outside and tan but can’t because of torrential downpours or eminent hurricanes is, frankly, disheartening. These are the things people do not tell you when you move across the country to go to school in the land of sunshine, citrus and Disney.
5. Ok, seriously. I have TRIED to be tan and it literally does not work for me. My skin hates me and I will forever be as white as a Canadian winter. I am sorry that you are disappointed that Florida is not magical and does not automatically grant caramel colored skin. I am not happy about it either, trust me.