When You're Afraid You Won't Fall In Love Again

When You're Afraid You Won't Fall In Love Again

When you're convinced you won't feel that spark ever again.

If you're reading this, you probably know what it's like to fall in love for the first time. You also probably know what it's like to have your heart broken for the first time too. And when you're young, it can feel very detrimental, on the verge to pure devastation. You don't have to explain it to me because I understand. Falling in love for the first time is one of the most exciting and exhilarating things in the world. I can't really describe it because it's one of those instances that only you can experience to truly understand it. It's such a specific thrill. What's intense and special about falling in love for the first time is enduring these things for yourself; not on TV, not in the movies, not something you read about. When you feel it for the first time, you almost tell yourself that you will never feel something that magical ever again. And that's what I'm talking about.


When I fell in love for the first time, I also had my heart broken by that same person. It was my first real heartbreak; the first time that I felt like I literally couldn't breathe, or there was no hope at the end of the tunnel. Ultimately, everything felt bleak. I'm not saying this so I can write a depressing article or to ask for your pity. In fact, I know I have moved on over the past couple years and accepted the fact that I have begun a new chapter, and this is the strongest that I have ever been. Being sad and heartbroken doesn't scare me anymore, because I've been through it and ripped it off like a band-aid. No, that doesn't get to me. What truly frightens me these days is the concept of not falling in love again. I'm so afraid that I won't have what I had with him - that for some strange reason, all of the emotions, experiences, and memories that were shared with this first will never be had again. It's almost as if my heart ran it's course of feeling something so real for someone - all of the heartache, the bliss, the euphoria, the anger - and then decided to shut off for some reason. I know that's not true and my thoughts are irrational, but I can't help but obtain this lingering feeling that this person took something away from me when he walked out the door two years ago: my faith.

I want to fall in love again. I'm not objected to it in the least bit. I'm one of the most romantic people I know. But I can't help but feel like my outlook on love and being together with someone has been tainted in a way. There have been moments where I feel my heart sink and I anxiously tell myself that I am broken and that there is something wrong with me, all because I believe I won't fall in love again, or that I haven't felt that spark. Then I remember that I am not being patient with myself, with life, and with fate. Just because I don't have it now doesn't mean that I never will be. And I can't keep comparing every person I meet to the first person I fell in love with. It just doesn't work that way. Maybe that's because I really am such a romantic, and I want to delve back into that elation. I don't want him to make me believe that there is something wrong with me, because there isn't. Not at all. But it's a work in progress.

I just know that something is missing, and I want to get it back. I don't intentionally tell myself these things, they just happen out of nowhere, randomly. I hope that someday, I'll feel something amazing with someone. I know that it's going to happen one day, because that's one of the things I truly want in my life - to share it with someone. To go on adventures with someone. I can't keep blaming how I feel on one person who made me feel on top of the world for the first time, because that's irrelevant now. It's normal to compare your first with someone new, but you can't let the past define your future. I need to remember these things.





Cover Image Credit: tumblr

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3 Disappointing Albums from 2017

Out of a year of great music, here are three lackluster standouts.

I think we were all pretty ready for 2017 to limp along to an end. One of the good things about last year was a pretty substantial number of new albums dropped. Some were amazing as expected, and some...were not. It's always a little disappointing when a band you really love releases something that is more mediocre than expected, and I found myself with several this year. Here were my biggest excitements that turned into disappointments:

1. Everything Now by Arcade Fire

I was looking forward to this probably more than any other record this year, especially after not really liking Reflektor, and it was a huge letdown. It seems like these days artists are releasing a lot more tracks ahead of a new album, and it really felt like Arcade Fire made their record completely anticlimactic by offering up all the best tracks upfront. The rest was kind of lackluster.


2. What If Nothing by Walk the Moon

I was delighted when I heard Walk the Moon was releasing a new record in 2017, especially because the first song off it, “One Foot,” was excellent and uplifting. But the rest of the album didn’t really have the same kick. The next single, “Headphones,” was just downright bad. I liked maybe three songs total, which was a bummer because Walk the Moon has been one of my favorite new bands of the past few years.


3. Science Fiction by Brand New

My problematic favorite band does not get a pass on this list. Science Fiction was Brand New’s too-long awaited fifth album, and I think the record suffered from trying to do too much at once. And that was before the allegations came out against Jesse Lacey. I have seen many of Lacey’s apologists taking to the internet to denounce the accusers, but as hard as it may be to swallow, allegations of abuse against one of your favorite artists should still be taken seriously. I personally need a little bit of a break from the band.



Cover Image Credit: New Statesman

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9 Seasons, 8 Boxes of Tissues & 7 Lessons 'One Tree Hill' Taught Me

These blunt quotes really hit me hard during the 9 seasons of OTH

Life lessons can be found from your job, family, and even strangers. A handful of mine came from the hit TV show "One Tree Hill." The famous "Scott" brothers rivalry taught me how to give chances to those you never thought you would. Brooke and Peyton's friendship taught me that through the hardships that life brings, the right people will stay with you. Watching these characters turn into successful human beings while staying connected has taught me so many lessons that I apply in my everyday life. The quotes in this article are the ones that stuck with me the most. For this, I thank you, Mark Schwahn, for 9 seasons of pure bliss.


1. "It's not about what you say, it's about what you do. You don't like the person you've become then do something about it, because no one's gonna do it for you." — Peyton Sawyer

Everyone gets caught up in life; experiences change people, but you are human. You are your own person, so make sure you are happy with being that person. If not? Change your routine up a bit. This can be waking up an hour earlier to make a full breakfast, or skip watching the newest series on TV after work and go for a walk around the neighborhood. It really is the littlest things that can help shape you as a person.


2. "When your heart breaks, you got to fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are. And that pain you feel? That's life. The confusion and fear? That's there to remind you, that somewhere out there is something better, and that something is worth fighting for." — Nathan Scott

Everyone experiences a heartbreak or tragedy at some point in their life. If I've learned anything about it, it's that life goes on and it will get better. How you handle these events in your life will define your character and make you stronger for whatever comes next. Life is terrifying, but the beautiful thing about it is how you choose to respond to it. You only get one life, so make it worth living!



3. "Love means giving chances when there are no more chances left to give." — Haley Scott

This can feel extremely painful. If they are worth fighting for, do it. Every relationship/friendship has its rough patches and the outcome will be amazing if it's fixable. But if it's unbearable and it's damaging you as a person, leave. Love isn't always enough sometimes.



4. "Sometimes it seems like you are the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, unsatisfied, barely getting by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find you and make it all okay." — Lucas Scott

Everyone is at a different point in their life. Don't compare your success to others because you never know the work they put in to get there. Be happy for those ahead of you and use it as a motivator, not a competition. Everyone lives a different life; be happy with where you are and continue to challenge yourself. Your time will come; patience is key.


5. "If you had a friend you knew you'd never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it, do it, don't wait. Nothing lasts forever." — Brooke Davis

Tomorrow is never promised. Whether this be a small compliment to a stranger at a grocery store or telling someone you love them. You are a bigger part in someone's life than you think you are.

6. "Until you let someone in, you'll always be alone." — Chase AKA Bar Manager

To all of the introverts out there: it's easy to shut people out, but set a goal for yourself each day, like starting a 30-second conversation in the elevator instead of listening to your earbuds. For me, this helps me get over my fear of "small talk." Day by day, you'll see subtle changes in your personality and engagement in your behavior.



7. "I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won't be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair; remember it's only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, cause most of the time, the greatest awards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination." — Whitey Durham

Take pride in all of your accomplishments, ignore the people who belittle your mistakes, be thankful for your milestones, and find the courage in your fear. This is what makes life so fascinating.

Cover Image Credit: YouTube

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