When You're Afraid You Won't Fall In Love Again

When You're Afraid You Won't Fall In Love Again

When you're convinced you won't feel that spark ever again.
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If you're reading this, you probably know what it's like to fall in love for the first time. You also probably know what it's like to have your heart broken for the first time too. And when you're young, it can feel very detrimental, on the verge to pure devastation. You don't have to explain it to me because I understand. Falling in love for the first time is one of the most exciting and exhilarating things in the world. I can't really describe it because it's one of those instances that only you can experience to truly understand it. It's such a specific thrill. What's intense and special about falling in love for the first time is enduring these things for yourself; not on TV, not in the movies, not something you read about. When you feel it for the first time, you almost tell yourself that you will never feel something that magical ever again. And that's what I'm talking about.


When I fell in love for the first time, I also had my heart broken by that same person. It was my first real heartbreak; the first time that I felt like I literally couldn't breathe, or there was no hope at the end of the tunnel. Ultimately, everything felt bleak. I'm not saying this so I can write a depressing article or to ask for your pity. In fact, I know I have moved on over the past couple years and accepted the fact that I have begun a new chapter, and this is the strongest that I have ever been. Being sad and heartbroken doesn't scare me anymore, because I've been through it and ripped it off like a band-aid. No, that doesn't get to me. What truly frightens me these days is the concept of not falling in love again. I'm so afraid that I won't have what I had with him - that for some strange reason, all of the emotions, experiences, and memories that were shared with this first will never be had again. It's almost as if my heart ran it's course of feeling something so real for someone - all of the heartache, the bliss, the euphoria, the anger - and then decided to shut off for some reason. I know that's not true and my thoughts are irrational, but I can't help but obtain this lingering feeling that this person took something away from me when he walked out the door two years ago: my faith.

I want to fall in love again. I'm not objected to it in the least bit. I'm one of the most romantic people I know. But I can't help but feel like my outlook on love and being together with someone has been tainted in a way. There have been moments where I feel my heart sink and I anxiously tell myself that I am broken and that there is something wrong with me, all because I believe I won't fall in love again, or that I haven't felt that spark. Then I remember that I am not being patient with myself, with life, and with fate. Just because I don't have it now doesn't mean that I never will be. And I can't keep comparing every person I meet to the first person I fell in love with. It just doesn't work that way. Maybe that's because I really am such a romantic, and I want to delve back into that elation. I don't want him to make me believe that there is something wrong with me, because there isn't. Not at all. But it's a work in progress.

I just know that something is missing, and I want to get it back. I don't intentionally tell myself these things, they just happen out of nowhere, randomly. I hope that someday, I'll feel something amazing with someone. I know that it's going to happen one day, because that's one of the things I truly want in my life - to share it with someone. To go on adventures with someone. I can't keep blaming how I feel on one person who made me feel on top of the world for the first time, because that's irrelevant now. It's normal to compare your first with someone new, but you can't let the past define your future. I need to remember these things.





Cover Image Credit: tumblr

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37 Drake Lyrics From 'Scorpion' That Will Make Your Next Instagram Caption Go Double Platinum

Side A makes you want to be single, Side B make you want to be boo'd up.

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We all knew Scorpion was going to be the summer banger we wanted. However, Drake surprised us with two sides of an album and two sides of himself. Mixing rap and R&B; was genius on his part, so why not dedicate 37 of his lyrics to our Instagram captions?

1. "Don't tell me how knew it would be like this all along" — Emotionless

Definitely a "I'm too good" for you vibe.

2. "My mentions are jokes, but they never give me the facts" — Talk Up

This one's for my haters.

3. "I wanna thank God for workin' way harder than Satan" — Elevate

For when you're feeling blessed.

4. "I promise if I'm not dead then I'm dedicated" — March 14

In Drake's story about his son the world knows about now, we get a lyric of true love and dedication

5. "My Mount Rushmore is me with four different expressions" — Survival

6. "Pinky ring 'til I get a wedding ring" — Nonstop

7. "I gotta breathe in real deep when I catch an attitude" — 8 Out of 10

This first line of the song is about to be spread on the gram like a wildfire

8. "Heard all of the talkin', now it's quiet, now it's shush" — Mob Ties

9. "California girls sweeter than pieces of candy" — Sandra's Rose

This is gonna have every girl who has ever stayed in Cali all hot and heavy, watch it.

10. "I think you're changing your mind, starting to see it in your eyes" — Summer Games

Y'all know how these summer games go

11. "Look the new me is really still the real me" — In My Feelings

When you've got to profess that you've changed 200%

12. "Only beggin' that I do is me beggin' your pardon" — Is There More

13. "Shifted your focus, lens lookin' jaded" — Jaded

14. "Back and forth to Italy, my comment section killin' me" — Can't Take a Joke

Necessary for when you've got people hyping you up already

15. "People are only as tough as they phone allows them to be" — Peak

Y'all can't have this one, I'm stealing it

16. "Work all winter, shine all summer" — That's How You Feel

Put in the work so you can flex on 'em, summer 18

17. "Blue faces, I got blue diamonds, blue tint, yeah" — Blue Tint


18. "I stay busy workin' on me" — Elevate

19. "Ten of us, we movin' as one" — Talk Up

The perfect reason to get the largest group picture you've had on your gram

20. "October baby for irony sake, of course" — March 14

This statistically applies to 1/12 of y'all reading this, so take that as you will (we October babies are the best)

21. "She had an attitude in the summer but now she nice again" — Blue Tint

22. "I know you special girl 'cause I know too many" — In My Feelings


23. "Gotta hit the club like you hit them, hit them, hit them angles" — Nice for What

24. "She said 'Do you love me?' I tell her, 'Only partly,' I only love my ____ and my ____ I'm sorry" — God's Plan

If you haven't used this one yet, get to it

25. "But I'm blessed I just checked, hate me never met me in the flesh" — I'm Upset

26. "It's only good in my city because I said so" — 8 Out of 10

Follow this up with a location and shoutout your hometown

27. "My haters either on they way to work or they arrived" — Can't Take a Joke

28. "I always need a glass of wine by sundown" — Final Fantasy

Has Drake ever been more relatable?

29. "It's your f***in' birthday. Happy birthday" — Ratchet Happy Birthday

Let's go get kicked out of an Applebee's

30. "I move through London with the Eurostep" — Nonstop


31. "I stopped askin' myself and I started feelin' myself" — Survival

Mood all summer 18

32. "They keep tryna' get me for my soul" — I'm Upset

33. "I'm tryna see who's there on the other end of the shade" — Emotionless

34. "Only obligation is to tell it straight" — Elevate

35. "It don't matter to me what you say" — Don't Matter to Me


This line from the King of Pop (MJ) will give you chills. R.I.P.

36. "I'm the chosen one, flowers never pick themselves" — Sandra's Rose

37. "Say you'll never ever leave from beside me" — In My Feelings

Couple goals, amirite?

Cover Image Credit:

@champagnepapi / Instagram

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Sandra Oh was Nominated for an Emmy, and can I just say, It's about time

"Yeah, well, don't write your address on your suitcase in case it gets stolen by a psychopath." -Eve, Killing Eve (2018)

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The Emmy's are a time for some of the best shows and performances of the year to get honored. This year, a handful of my favorites were up for nomination. "Black Mirror," "Portlandia," "Bob's Burgers," and actress Sandra Oh.

Sandra Oh was nominated for best lead actress in a drama series for "Killing Eve"; the first woman of Asian descent to ever be nominated for this category! Although, this isn't her first time being nominated. She was previously nominated five times for supporting actress for "Grey's Anatomy"––she never won.

I am a huge "Grey's Anatomy" fan. So you're telling me, after Sandra Oh's character, Christina Yang, had suffered an ectopic pregnancy which almost killed her, being left at the altar by Burke, suffered post-traumatic stress disorder after having a gun held to her head in the midst of trying to save Derek, gets cheated on by Hunt, goes through a divorce, survives a plane crash but watched her friends and colleagues die, and not to mention she deserved to win that Harper Avery award but didn't; you're telling me after all these extraordinary performances she didn't win at all? Not one of the five times? Unbelievable.

Although it won't be for "Grey's Anatomy" this time, it's about time Sandra Oh gets the recognition she deserves. Sandra Oh departed from Grey's Anatomy after season ten and has since grabbed viewers' attention for her role in "Killing Eve," the show that she is being nominated for. This show centers around Sandra Oh's character, Eve, a desk-bound M15 officer who finds herself in the midst of a cat and mouse game with an assassin. If you need a new show to watch, this is an intriguing one to start.

To think, Sandra Oh is the FIRST actress of Asian descent to be nominated for this category. It's 2018, and I can't emphasize enough how much representation matters. Growing up as an Asian-American, I found it hard to resonate with characters of Asian descent who fit the stereotypical identity that everyone makes assumptions about. That wasn't who I was, nor did I want to be. Hollywood has created a narrative around Asians and Asian-Americans to fit a typecast for films and television shows but I for one believe Sandra Oh has defied that logic. She's brilliant and has proven viewers everywhere the hardworking, versatile actress she can be. From the principal in "Princess Diaries" to a dedicated cardiothoracic surgeon on "Grey's Anatomy" to an M15 officer trying to find an assassin, the limit does not exist.

The lack of Asian descents taking home the famous statue has only been numbered down to two and let's be honest here, there needs to be a change. As much as the internet pushed for Leonardo DiCaprio to finally win that Oscar he deserved, we need to push for Sandra Oh to break the internet and give her the Emmy she deserves.

Cover Image Credit:

Killing Eve

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