Lately, life has been nothing short of rough.

A few weeks ago, something happened which has basically turned my whole world upside down. At times it feels as if I am suffocating. Other times, it feels as if I might punch a hole in the wall. Either way, I have had many meltdowns, moments of anxiety and just simple sadness in its purest form.

I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. It’s been an emotional roller coaster for me. One moment I am fine, and the next I am in a pit of my own worries, fears and depressing thoughts:

How did I end up here? Why did I end up here? What can I do to fix it? I’ll do anything, anything at all. As long as it keeps me happy. I need happiness in my life again.

During the first few days after it all began, I tried to look for that happiness in the comfort of my friends. I turned to them for advice, for companionship, for consolation. I just wanted them to rant and talk with me about everything on my mind. I wanted them to bestow wisdom and knowledge that could somehow provide a revelation and make me feel 100 percent normal. As the great friends they are, they did help, and this would reassure me for a while. But only just a few short hours later I would forget their convincing words and turn back to my own panicky thoughts.

So, where does one turn to after their friends? Family, of course. There have been moments when the walls seem to be just caving in on me. In those trying times, I know I need my mom. She was and has been my greatest source of comfort. I’m so thankful for her, as well as the rest of my family. Something about being in their presence is uplifting. They keep me in good spirits, especially if I’m due for a laugh. However, when they aren’t around, where do I turn? Who do I call when I feel as if I am bothering everyone with my problems? Where do I go when there is no human interaction left?

My main source of pure relaxation through this entire ordeal has been my Bible. I feel this is something out of the ordinary for me to say. A month ago, I could look you in the eyes and tell you I had never once sat down with Scripture for more than an hour. I was never a bible reader. I was never interested because it was overwhelming and confusing to me. To be frank, I had no desire. I always knew in my heart it was something I should try to work on in my spiritual life, but wow. All I want to do is call up that same girl five years ago and tell her to open her Bible. “Do you even know what you’re missing? If you are worried, open your Bible. If you feel like crap, open your Bible. Shoot, if you are happy, open your Bible."

So what's the hype? I can tell you for a fact that the only thing that has consistently gotten me through these new obstacles in life has been God. It definitely would have been easier for me to blame everything on Him. He's the one that let this happen, so why should I have anything to do with Him? I can tell you right now, that route would've seemed easier, but it would've made life much harder in the long-run. You see, through my persistence to keep the faith and understand that God is working on something great, I have been blessed with the trust to know that He is on my side. He is trying to help. He’s been in the people I seek for comfort, including my friends and family. He’s been the in little posts I see on Facebook that are exactly what I need to hear. But ultimately, He's been on the pages I turn, highlight and scribble on just to get through the day. He was with me on that pivotal day I decided to reach over on my nightstand and fearfully grab my Bible.

I can’t tell you how many hours I have spent reading the Bible already, and I have only been doing this for just a few weeks! There is something so interesting about its stories, tales, lessons and individuals that inspire and ease my heart. I never knew I could be so captivated by what this book truly entails. I am connecting important figures, I am discovering common ideas, and I am even learning interesting facts (did you know that Goliath is described as six cubits and a span tall, which means he was nine feet nine inches? Incredible, right?) I have learned so much, and I’m only just getting started.

I owe my thanks to God for guiding me to a place where I now know I can turn to my Bible. It's loyal in the sense that it won't ever get annoyed with me, no matter how much I seek it for comfort. It can come with me wherever I go, and I can turn to it whenever I need it. Truthfully, I don’t know where I would be without this book if I hadn’t discovered its awesome potential for me. Maybe that is why God led me to “such a time as this” (Esther 4:14) where I am forced to grieve and mourn. Maybe, just maybe, God did this so He could lead me directly where he wanted me to be, a place where I had never even searched before: straight into his Word.